MERRY CHRISTMAS!

THE BARON AND MANAGEMENT WISH YOU ALL GOOD SPIRITS AT CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas!

Another indoor season has come to its half way marker.

And as thoughts fade from the pitch and towards Olde Saint Nick, we're reminded of the special feeling of this time of year.

For most in the Western World, we celebrate Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and "Boxing Day" (otherwise known as the second Christmas Day). While the origins of these days are up to continual inspection by amateur historians, many of us lose track of the most significant aspect of this celebration.

It's important for all us to remember that material things are forgettable. What's most crucial is the interaction we all share. That look in your kid's eye when they open that long gone toy. The laughs shared with others over some Beck's. The warm embrace of loved ones as the lights turn on and the day turns to night.

Christmas itself is the world's celebration...and the most celebrated festival in the world. Some celebrate for religious significance. Others share traditions handed down through the generations.

But it's always important to remember in this age of diversity, that we don't lose the words. Christmas, like Diwali, Eid, Yule, Hanukkah and so forth lose their significance and power when concealed through politeness. In embracing other cultures, and their festivals, we must enjoy them all as they are, or risk losing them over correctness. Never take offense in others wishing you well in their traditions. Take pride in knowing that in our differences, we become better. Be proud to wish others your festive greetings!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL...AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD

DIFFERENT PROBLEMS FACE BOTH SPARTAN TEAMS

Spartans Black dressed up for Retro Night -- A huge success!

"We have two very talented teams in the Spartan Brand Name," stated Baron, "and yet they don't operate yet as a team."

These comments come after a disappointing outing with our lads on the pitch. Both were defeated in games that offered many chances.

"I see the problem emanating from the passing stand point. We simply lob the ball up the field. There's no cohesion. There's no easy pass. It's just a bunch of guys running around hoping that the ball somehow gets to them."

Different tactics will need to be used if fans are to be kept in their seats.

Spartan_Hater, an old nemesis of the team, was recently seen in the stands despite a court injunction against him.

"If these blokes love an arse kicking so much, I'll take their soccer fees and administer a butt kicking session. No need for them to show how back they are on the field."

Security quickly escorted Spartan_Hater from the premises as an angry Baron verbally sparred with the man.

"We're going to design a few new plays," revealed Baron, "but the effectiveness of these patterns will not be shown until many games later."

STATS:
(B) Devon (A)
(B) Andrew (G)
(B) Terry (A)
(B) Abe (G)
(B) Leigh (A)
(B) Andrew B (G)
(B) Andrew B (G)

(Y) Shawn (A)
(Y) Jeremy (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
(B) Andrew B
(Y) Nelson

A CLOSE ONE AND A LAUGH FEST

YELLOW DENIED POINT WHILE BLACKS SINK TO NEW LOW

Leo keeps track of his Man!

It was a bit of heart break hotel last Sunday as our local heroes came short in dramatically different fashions.

Yellow, who was pitted against last year's winners, spent most of the game ahead. In fact, they lost in the final seconds of the game.

"Referee's prerogative," a disappointed Baron said in a post game conference," I've seen him whistle that one away, but on this game he decided to hold his breathe."

The game also marked a sullen point with the team, when Keeper John confessed that he's been nursing a few injuries.

"The trainer and Baron told me I wasn't cleared for the next game," revealed John,"At first I was a little angry, but it's for the best. After all, an injured Netminder can't earn his keep!"

On the other side of the tracks, the Spartan Blacks spoiled a two nil lead, and completely self destructed.

A myriad of mistakes seemed to plague the Blacks after half time. Failure to mark, sub and otherwise be interested in the game were the glaring points of the match.

"Sometimes you're just unlucky," commented Baron, " but other times you're just not in the game. This was neither of these times. We just stunk like that homeless dude that rides the subway."

STATS:
(Y) Jeremy (A)
(Y) Anders (G)
(Y) John (A)
(Y) Jeremy

(B) Devon (G)
(B) Andrew B (A)
(B) Andrew M (G) - OG

MAN OF THE MATCH:
(B) Matt
(Y) Jeremy

BLACKS POST FIRST POINT OF THE SEASON

LAST MINUTE GOAL YIELDS SPECTACULAR RESULTS!

Devon Scores a Cheeky One

It was another mixed bag of results for the good guys last week, as the Blacks tied a very determined Forza FC team and the Yellows dropped their second in a row.

The Yellows had some issues with subbing and scoring, as their opponents used their size and skill to keep them off the score sheet for most of the game. Once again, the Defense kept the game close.

"The Yellows need to settle in and begin the process of trusting each other," related Coach and Owner Baron." what we need to do is create a roster and stick to it. Only minor changes. When these guys click, they do well. We need to get to that level."

On the other side of the tarp, the Blacks faced a determined "A" level team. It wasn't until the second half that the scoring erupted. By the end of the whistle, it was a 3 all draw.

"The Blacks were playing like a team," commented Baron,"We faced a much more talented team, but our boys were able to use their skills to great effect. Kudos to Forza FC's goalie, who stoned so many of our shots. They had a few lucky breaks, and I'm pleased with the result."

This week, the Blacks look to extend their unbeaten streak.
Can they do it?

STATS:
(Y) Ryan (PK)

(B) Mike S (G)
(B) Mike S (A)
(B) Devon (G)
(B) Andrew M (A)
(B) Devon (G)

KEEPER:
(B) Leigh (Tied)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
(Y) Ryan

(B) Devon

A GOOD FIGHT

BOTH SPARTAN TEAMS LOSE AGAINST "A" LEVEL TEAMS

Yellow Backs Michael Scores Two!

The Baron had mixed emotions after the two games which saw his teams lose against higher ranked teams.

In a post game interview with Oshawa this Week, former superstar Baron had this to say:

"The Yellow backs are very talented. They act as a team and their Keeper [John] is unbelievable. But you can't win on the back of a Keeper. You need guys to step up and score. This game we had Michael. I knew he had it within him. Watch for this guy. He'll be a contender for the Golden Pear."

"The Blacks are in state where they're just about there. We have some lines running real smooth, and other lines that are just understanding where they sit in the game. Once the guys start feeding the play off each other, the wins will come. There's some great talent there. And it's great to practice against teams that are way above us. By not getting killed, we are learning and improving."

STATS:
(Y) Leo (A)
(Y) Mike (G)
(Y) Mike (G)

(B) Andrew B (A)
(B) Devon (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
(Y) John

(B) Matt

SPARTAN CLASSIC -- ROUND 1

YELLOW DRAWS FIRST BLOOD

A Game of Mixed Results

Fans were treated to a spectacle of immeasurable proportions Sunday, when Spartan met Spartan in the annual seasonal classic.

This year's game was dedicated to Borussia Dortmund, the team which saw Baron play his first games. All proceeds went to "Fans without Borders".

The game hit a quick start with a startling goal from Yellow.

After that, Black revved up, and kept the action inside the Yellow half, without result.

At half time, German Metal Band RammStein entertained the crowd.

The second half saw more of the same, as the Black's enjoyed possession and scoring chances, while Yellow scored two more.

A great game, with few issues, and that's what playing at this level is all about.

STATS:
(Y) Jeremy (GWA)
(Y) Shawan (GWG)
(Y) Craig (A)
(Y) Jeremy (G)
(Y) Jeremy (A)
(Y) Mike (G)

KEEPER:
John (W and Clean Sheet)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
(Y) John
(B) Devon

A TALE OF TWO TEAMS

YELLOWS PICK UP A POINT

Spartans Yellow Get Their First Point of the Season

"It was a very close and exciting game to watch," detailed Coach Baron as his Yellows tied against the visiting team."it was well deserved, and gratifying to see."

Under some steady leadership from Assistant Captain Shawn, the Yellows scored first off a nifty side pass.

Receiver Jeremy never doubted it would go in.

"I got the pass from a storming Ryan, and next thing I know I'm hitting the twine!" said a jubilant Jeremy.

Their opponents scored minutes later. And after furious counter attacks from both sides, including some well timed saves from John the keeper, the game ended at one a piece.

On the other side of town, the Blacks were forced to endure their first drubbing of the season.

Going up on a quick goal, the Blacks failed to mark their attackers, and quickly fell to the way side.

"It's just one of those games," revealed Captain Scott of the Blacks," and we'll learn from it."

Tonight: a classic match pitting both Spartan teams.

Fans across the world will be tuning into their media devices to view this tale of two teams.

STATS:

(B) Devon (A)

(B) Andrew M (G)

(Y) Ryan (A)

(Y) Jeremy (G)

KEEPER:

John - TIE

MAN OF THE MATCH:

(B) Andrew M

(Y) Shawn

SPARTANS FACE HUGE CHALLENGES

BARON ADVISE PATIENCE IN THESE EARLY GAMES!

Baron in Goal before his retirement from International

With both Spartan teams out on a 0-0-2 record, the Baron was under pressure from investors to get results.

"What the investors don't understand is that these guys are being thrown into a new venue of which they have no practice," stated the former international sensation Baron," none of the games have been a complete blow out, and the fans are happy with the entertainment value."

Last year, the Spartans Black were undefeated before facing some of the more powerful "A" list teams in the league.

"The most important thing to remember is that we need to be comfortable with our own style of playing before we can work as a team. This can take some time. But when it clicks, it will usher in some really fantastic games."

STATS:
(B) Devon (G)
(B) Andrew B (A)
(B) Andrew M (G)

(Y) Nelson (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
(B) Leigh

(Y) Nelson

SPARTANS BEGIN THEIR INDOOR SEASON

BUT WILL BARON JOIN THEM ON FIELD?

Spartans Yellow Off to a Good Start

"I'm very impressed with my lads," commented Baron after Sunday's Derby."They played well, made a few 'rusty' mistakes and held their teams to account."

Owner Baron has taken many injuries over the years, including his Bundesliga career ending injury in '87.

This year, he'll be spending some time on the sidelines, coaching his team as the get ready to make a shot at the Cup.

"I ignored Doctor's Orders, and came out on the short side. Now I'll listen to them."

Baron has enlisted the aid of noted sports physician Dr. P Smith, who is known for performing miracles on and off the field.

"The Baron is a man of few fears," stated Dr. Smith,"but he realizes that injuries will keep him from the game that he loves so dear."

"I trust my Captains and Assistants," said Baron," and they'll be the ones who get the team into the top!"

STATS:
(Y) Stephen (A)
(Y) Aaron (G)
(Y) Nelson (G)

(B) Andrew M (A)
(B) Mike S (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
(Y) John
(B) Andrew M

SPARTANS INDOOR SEASON STARTS THIS SUNDAY

BOTH TEAMS HAVE HIGH HOPES THIS YEAR

It's that time of the year again.

The leaves are falling from the trees.
The air is getting colder.

And the Spartans are donning their indoor gear to do battle against their foes on the turf.

This year we have done away with Spartans Chrome, and instead have gone the route of Black and Yellow.

Both teams are filled with promise.
But can they fit the pieces together to become the best at the Civic?

Check the Schedules to see when your team plays.

Arrive early to see your local heroes warm up.

Autographs will not be allowed during games.

LACKLUSTER SEASON FINALLY ENDS

SPARTANS NEED A YEAR TO REBUILD

Guys,

It was a long season for many of us.

For me, the season brought injury after injury.
And I know I wasn't alone in that department.

One of the most glaring issues of the season was the lack of team work.

We had a plan, we elected not to use it, although we knew that our plan worked.
Whenever we used the vaunted "SCHWERPUNKT" we got the ball up to the opponent's 18.
We had a shot at it.
It didn't matter that we didn't score 90% of the time.
That's stuff we can change.

Instead, for many of our drubbings, we went up the middle.
Then we lost the ball.
Found ourselves out of position and got destroyed.

Another aspect of learning is that the 4-6-0 really was our formation.
It offered us the depth of defensive play, as well as an avenue for the SchwerPunkt.

Next year we'll work on the above items, honing them.
As well, I'll bring to the table some new ideas that will hopefully strengthen our team.

Have a great Indoor Season. I know that I'll see many of you on the field.

STATS:
Scott D (A)
Devon (G)
Mike S (A)
Devon (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
Devon

FIRST PLAYOFF GAME

SPARTANS PLAY LIKE SH!T

Having departed from any semblance of team work, the Spartans tied an energized Darlington Crew.

"We were lucky to tie the game, and deserved to get a good drumming."

Will the Spartans make an appearance in the final game today?

STATS:
KEEPER:
Treveor

GOALS:
Kris (A)
Spencer (G)
Devon (PK)
Scott (A)
Kris (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH
Trevor

SCHWERPUNKT VINDICATED

REF DONS UNITED JERSEY TO BE THE 12th MAN

He's not Corrupt...but our REF was!

Spartans, last game was a sort of vindication for me, your Coach and Captain.

The SCHWERPUNKT was proven to work, and it worked so well that Durham United started playing dirty to get goals. They were frustrated, and had no response to our methods.

The formation I wanted us to play at the beginning was also shown to be what we're all about. We controlled the middle, the defense and the offense. Let's remember that for next year.

Leading 3 - 0 in the beginning of the second, we let two in, and then scored what should have been a fourth and out of reach goal.

But that's when the REF intervened, fully cheating us for some unknown reason.

Now Durham United deserved the three goals they scored. We were tired, and with so few subs, it was a shame that we let those in. But understandable.

The penalty kick was nothing short of a REF putting his whistle for the other side. And the fifth off side goal was just icing on the cake. Not to mention the lack of whistles for us, including some full contact illegal hits that were overlooked. I can't imagine how our goaltender feels after some of those attacks.

The fact that we scored on the last play was a tremendous boost to our team.

It showed the REF and Durham United that despite the cheating, the bias and the deplorable actions, we were the better team.

On to the playoffs, where it's hoped that REF influence and bad sportsmanship will NOT manifest themselves.

STATS:
KEEPER:
Kevin (tie)

GOALS:
Abe (A)
Spencer (G)
Kris (A)
Devon (G)
Kris (A)
Devon (G)
Devon (A)
Spencer (G)
Abe (A)
Devon (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH
Devon

LAST GAME OF THE SEASON

SPARTANS TO HOST THE ANNUAL "C" CUP

Which way to the SchwerPunkt?

The end of the season always holds a special meaning to the Spartans.

Having been denied once again a chance to compete in the main league, the Spartans once again attempt to stave off relegation.

"It's a tough game," related Coach Baron," but I think we have what it takes to keep going and build for next year."

For some, the end of the season game is all or nothing. Hated rivals Durham United will be in town for what is sure to be a rough affair.

STATS:
Scott (A)
Kris (G)
xxx (A)
Ryan (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH
Kris

PUNDITS MYSTIFIED

SPARTANS IN WORST SEASON IN FIVE YEARS

Captain Ian scores a Goal: Rare in those Days

Pundits are mystified about this season's results.

"The Spartan team is enriched with talented players, in all avenues. And yet they can't score, and prefer not to participate in the defense."

With only one win this season, this marks the worst showing in half a decade.

Team sponsors are agitated over slumping sales.

Spain has threatened to pull their Oranges from the Spartan benches.

Even new supporter "SQWEEZEE" seems poised to revoke their sponsorship.

With all this pressure, Coach and Captain Baron continues to expound the SCHWERPUNKT principles.

"It's very easy to get confused in the middle of the game," commented Baron," but our records show that IF the SCHWERPUNKT is used, we get a shot at the twine 93.4% of the time."

This leads Experts to ask:
"Why don't the Spartans execute their beloved and sensational plan more often."

And in that respect, perhaps, is why the Spartans are in the bottom five, rather than the top Five.

STATS:
Ryan (A)
Devon (G)
Devon (A)
Abe (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH
Anders

SQWEEZEES

WTF ARE SQWEEZEES?

OH HELL YEAH...that hits the spot

Half Time for Oranges got a new meaning this season, thanks to a little known sponsor!

The Spartans have teamed up with the world's best idea. Put an energy drink into a plastic wrapper, freeze it and then consume during the game.

It's not your Dad's Freezee anymore.

Spartan Fans have embraced the dual nature of the Oranges and Squeezees.

"It's very refreshing," Devon was heard saying, gulping down his fifth of the half. He would later go on to score the Spartan's only goal. In part, thanks to the energy within this adult ice refreshment.

Will the Squeeze(e) replace the Baron's Oranges?

"Highly unlikely," retorted Baron, "but it does make for a wonderful change!"

STATS:
Anders (A)
Devon (G)

A WORD ON THE OFFICIALS

HOW TO DEAL WITH SUB-PAR OFFICIATING

Is he Blind, or simply against us?

On Sunday we played a rotten game.

Seriously...it wasn't something that I was particularly happy about. We deserved to lose. There were so many mistakes...no adherence to the schwerpunkt (minor letters on purpose).

BUT...

The officiating was probably the worst I've ever seen in this season.

The first goal was so off site that a blind man and two dead people could have made the call.
And to put salt on the wounds, the REF even said as much.
But he wouldn't countermand the decision of the LinesBoy.
And there, in itself, there's no excuse.

We were on the wrong end of the REF's stick.
He called us on just about everything.
Having a bone to pick with us, he stood by and gave the advantage to our opponents.
And they didn't need it...but it doubled the score.

What to do...

As players, we need to avoid ANY and ALL jibes against the REF and LINES OFFICIALS.
Let them play their simple and stupid game.
DO NOT give them the benefit of satisfaction in knowing that they've gotten to us.
Last game they did, and were basking in that knowledge.

They threw us off our game...no doubt about it.
My advice: just keep quiet.

A few of my players came up to me and expressed their distaste.
I went to the REF three times and had a chat with him.
I even went to him when I knew nothing could be done.
But that's what my job is...to be a focal for your angst.

Sometimes I'll question the REF on a good call.
This is the moment where I want us to reform...to take some time.
So my meaningless dialogue with the REF is simply to get us regrouped.
And it works...most times.

In the end there's nothing we can do with bad officials.
They're in it for themselves...and want to teach us a lesson in humility.
They want to hear that they're the bosses...the big cheese...the ones with the huge cajones.
Let them believe what they want.

We play our game, and focus on our best.
Let everything else slide off us and become dust in the wind.

STATS:
MAN OF THE MATCH
Mike A

REVIEW OF THE FIRST HALF OF THE SEASON

THERE'S GOOD AND THERE'S BAD

Jason knows how to stop Goals

My thoughts at this point of the season is that we're just a few steps from putting in a great team.

Individually, there's not not many teams that can beat us...one on one for instance.

But a team of mediocre players can beat a group of individuals on any day.

It's been a long haul. We've tried new positions, tried people in new roles. All this has led to a moment where we know our place and how to play.

SCHWERPUNKT is our answer. When we use it, we get a shot at the twine. Although we may not score all the time, it gives us a chance.

The GOLDEN ORANGE is really heating up. It's going to be tough to find a clear cut winner this year!

I see better things this half of the season. Going in, we're still in it, and look forward to some good games.

STATS
Devon (G) PK in slo--mo

MAN OF THE MATCH
Jason

THE RETURN OF KRIS

CAN VAUNTED GOLDEN ORANGE CHAMPION TURN THE TEAM AROUND?

Kris Holds the Golden Orange!

Fans around the world have long awaited the return of local hero Kris.

"Kris is perhaps the most electrifying sports athlete today," remarked TSN.

Indeed, last year's poll in the Oshawa This Week showed Kris a clear cut winner among readers.

"I'm overjoyed over the amount of support and well wishes in the past few weeks. My body is recovered, and I'm ready to resume my journey to raise the Golden Orange into the air." said Kris."On the other hand, I really haven't received any competition. Like, I've been away two weeks and Scott or Ryan can't even catch up? Now that's how good I really am!"

Coach Baron was relieved to see so many of his team come back after injury hiatuses.
"The team suffered from the lack of experience on the field. Guys like Carlos or Sean, I mean Shawn, really show the youngsters how to play."

"Sure he can score from half," joked Scott, "but can he shoot a ball so hard off a free kick that the goalie grabs the ball and falls into the net? Who does that? This guy right here."

The Spartans complete the first half of the season by meeting perennial season champions Courtice FC.

STATS:
Mike S (A)
Spencer (G)
Devon (A)
Scott (G)

MAN OF THE MATCH:
Matt

GERMANY WINS WORLD CUP 2014

JOACHIM LOEW ADMITS "SCHWERPUNKT" WORKS

Germany wins...with Spartan Game Plans!

"Yes, Joachim and I are good friends," revealed Baron during an interview with Oshawa Times," we often talk of the days in Germany, as only buds can. Like when we would get six weeks vacation after a year's work and half day Friday to go out drinking with the boss. Just like winning soccer games, this was all the norm."

With Germany winning the World Cup in 2014, and smashing many records in the process, the nod from the German head coach was an honour.

"I called him the day after. Obviously he had many big people to call and go through the tonnes of voice mails. But he told me that my old ideas of SCHWERPUNKT were used by the German team. The final goal from Schuerrle to Goetze was the greatest incarnation of my design. To get a recognition from one of the greatest coaches in the world is truly something special."

Although some Spartans are not jiggy with SCHWERPUNKT, many were with their legendary coach, Baron.

"I'm not sure how to say it properly. I think it's Swedish or Hungarian. But SurePunk always gets us a shot at net," told Golden Orange leader Kris.

"I'm always dreaming of that SCHWERPUNKT type goal. And last game I got it," laughed Carlos, a previous Man of the Match with a mission.

But on field, things change.
It seems that the Spartans, ever so often to throw plans into the wind, disregard their ultimate plan.

TSN reported:
"The shots on net increase exponentially when the Spartans use SCHWERPUNKT. But when they decide to do their own thing, that's when they fall prey to the counter. Why they don't use it every attack is beyond the sanity of this realm."

One thing is for certain, this reporter has learned. The Baron will be heard yelling the vile German word, and people will pause to listen, though not necessarily act upon those commands.

GAME FIVE:
Scott (A)
Spencer (G)
Kris (A)
Ryan (G)

Man of the Match:
Ryan

GAME SIX:
Anders (A)
Abe (G)
Devon (A)
Carlos (G)
Scott (G)

Man of the Match:
Michael T

SPARTAN FC FAMILY GETS A LITTLE BIGGER

STAR MID FIELDER MIKE "THE A" ADDS TO HIS FAMILY

Mother and Baby are doing GREAT

The Spartan FC Club would like to congratulate Mike "the A" and his wife on the birth of their child, a healthy and bouncing baby girl.

"The Spartan FC Family got a little larger today," commented Coach Baron," thus proving that the Spartan FC organization loves its children."

Last year at this time, notable Striker and Golden Orange contender Kris had an addition to his family.

"It's in the Oranges," concluded Assistant Captain Anders.

Asked if his addition is in the near future, the last year wed Mid Fielder would only say, "if Germany wins the World Cup this year."

"In a couple of decades, I can see the Spartan FC label become a family affair," predicted Baron," with sons playing with fathers. It may even be at that time a co-ed league."

MAN OF THE MATCH:
Carlos

ORANGES AT HALF TIME

ARE THEY ALL THEY'RE CRACKED UP TO BE?

The Baron's Oranges are GRRRRRRRREAT!

Win or Lose, the Spartans can always count on the Baron to provide them with yummy oranges at Half Time. In fact, this Custom is a main stay of Spartan football since 2009.

The Baron's oranges are grown in the southern part of Spain, where the land is hot yet the winds are cool. To cut costs, the owner sold his first born to some elves (pictured above) who in return provide low cost labour to maintain and pick only the finest of orange edibles.

And thus was born the favourite past time of the Spartan organization!

It also serves to keep the guys quiet while their coach, mentor, beloved Captain and caretaker rambles on about something that happened in that game they were playing. Where Tyler should have scored, or Mike should have passed to the side, or Scott shouldn't be playing with broken toes, or...well, you get the idea.

So ditch your favourite energy drink...or protein shake, or non-alcoholic beer at half time. You're in for a treat when the plastic container is open and you can dig those grubby hands in to a plethora of citrus goodness.

AHHHH! That's the ticket.

MAN OF THE MATCH:

Shawn (not Sean)

SCHWERPUNKT MAKES ITS DEBUT FOR SPARTANS

NEW IDEA OF ATTACK CREATES CONVINCING WIN!

What a way to play Football!

"Remember the Share Pint!" was the cry all over the field last Sunday as the Good Guys gave a good thrashing to the visiting opponents.

Earlier in the week, Coach Baron had brought his team together to demonstrate a new era in Football strategy.

"I felt that my team needed some guidance," explained Coach Baron,"Individually they're great. But they didn't know how to react. It was like numerous battle plans operating at once. Anarchy."

It didn't take long for even sceptics to take note.

Possession was pretty much all Spartans FC. Most of the game was played within the Darlington Crew half.

"The score could have been much higher," one fan laughed, having received a great pleasure in viewing the game.

Pundits noted that the Spartans hit the cross bar three times, and missed five open nets. But the results spoke for themselves.

Each time the SchwerPunkt was enacted, the Spartans delivered a furious attack that penetrated the enemy 18.

"That's SchwerPunkt for you," commented Baron, "and that's how we plan to play!"

STATS:
Kris (A)
Devon (G)
Spencer (GWA)
Kris (GWG)
Abe (A)
Mike A (G)
Abe (A)
Scott (G)
Abe (A)
Ryan (G)

NET:
Trevor

MAN O' THE MATCH:
Kris

SPARTANS FC DISASTER

MASS FLU FORCES "C" TEAM ON PITCH

Scott and Kevin sick on the Flu

Things were tense last Sunday, when the team's doctors disallowed most of the team from entering the pitch during a game with the Destroyers.

"It was awful in there," stated Baron," the guys were saying that England would win the world cup, and I just knew that they were under the weather."

With most of his main players out of action, Baron had to pull numerous reserves from the Spartans FC farm teams.

Although enough players were able to play, the competition was almost an embarrassment.

Fans jeered and booed the players, as they were thoroughly trashed.

"I can't remember the score," said one fan, "but I can tell you that this was the worst performance for a team of this calibre"

With the flu over this week's game promises to be better.

"I'm optimistic," Baron revealed, " we have a new plan, and the guys will redeem themselves!"

MAN OF THE MATCH
Mike A

FANS INCENSED

LINESWOMAN PLAYS TWELFTH "MAN"

Fans are incensed at the calls!

The Spartan's first game started out slow, but quickly escalated into something that will show promise for the season.

With the score tied in the 62nd minute at no score, our heroes were finally rewarded with a blistering shot that the Village Inn goalkeeper couldn't handle.

"And I really only got a piece of the ball," commented an elated Devon, who received the pass from a speedy partner in crime Spencer.

From there, the game turned, and not in a good way.

The Ref, not watching the match to the fullest, allowed the Lineswoman to award a penalty kick after a clean tackle by Anders in the box.

Reviews on the play clearly indicate Anders won the ball, and that the opponent fell over the redirected ball.

From there, the opponents scored a goal on a miscue by the defense.

To add to injury, the Village Inn scored another "goal" when clearly offside.

"I can't believe such rubbish!" yelled one commentator who stormed off the booth.

"The ball went to an offside opposing shirt, and then he passed the ball forward to his mate who was so clearly off side that the game stopped, waiting for the whistle," revealed Baron.

That was all it took for the fans to launch a tirade of anger against the field.

The Spartans will be fined one game's receipts, and are lucky at that. The error filled Lineswoman was escorted off field after contact lenses were thrown at her.

"We missed a lot of chances," analysed Baron," but our actions clearly showed that we could run with this top five team from last year. We just couldn't compete with the 12th woman official."

Scores:
Tyler (A) ***previously credited to Spencer
Devon (G)

Man of the Match
Trevor

HURRICANE CANCELS HOME OPENER!

HIGH WINDS AND RAINY APOCALYPSE TEAR ACROSS STADIUMS!

OH! The Calamity!

It was a scene out of Hurricane HAZEL, as the normally placid and tepid shores of Lake Ontario became alive in a scene of utter despair and horror.

Although the Environment Canada portrayed a four day spell of great seasonal and sunny weather, Darlington announced the fields were unplayable.

"It gives you a sense of hopelessness," said Carlos, who had spit shined his shoes for the home opener," and reminds you that we are, after all, mortal"

When pressed into a quick interview, Scott had this to say about the inclimate weather:
"I'm up in my Muskoka cottage, drinking beers with Kurt Russel, and I get this alert that the game's cancelled. Well, whatever, more time to drink I guess."

Surveying the fields, Captain and Coach Der Baron, had a tear in his eye.
"it's just horrible. We get four great days. The pitch is in its top form. The weather's warm, yet very comfortable to play. Then along comes this Hurricane and dashes all our hopes. It's just sad."

With more wild weather to come, will the quiet and serene cities situated in the ongoing hurricane's path see relief? How will the ongoing tropical nightmare affect the normally industrious and bustling inhabitants of this fair province? Perhaps, with prayers at night and hopes in hand, the inclimate weather will break and give sanctuary for those left behind.

SUMMER SOCCER SEASON STARTS!

NEW SEASON NEW HOPES

Kris at his Annual Charity Event on Adelaide

Coach and venerable Captain Baron was ecstatic about the new Football Season.

"I can tell you I'm pumped. We have said goodbye to some great team players, but introduced so many new players that will fit in comfortably."

Among the recent acquisitions are:

Ryan from Gorica in the Slovenian league
"I'm not used to dumbing down my playing, but I guess I'll have to, given the sad state of this league"

Jason from the Gunners of the English Premier League
"I'll miss my mates in the UK. Let me rephrase that. I'll miss the eternal partying, women, and drinking. I'm not sure why I'm here."

Spencer from InterMilan in Italy
"Someone told me that I won a trip to Canada. I'm not even sure where downtown Canada is, but the climate's alright."

Devon from SV Darmstadt in Germany
"I played on the Baron's team indoor. If I've learned anything from the man is that he lies worse than a cheap Persian rug. Gets me drunk and I sign a waiver that turns out to be a contract"

Michael from Thunder Bay
"I have no idea how this game is played, but I assume it's similar to Football. I mean, how hard can this really be?"

Matt from An Outside Caller
"Being on this team is a moment of great joy. After all, we get oranges at half time"

Spartans of the previous years were more guarded in their approach in  the coming season.

"These arses should know better than to tap me on the shoulder for advice when I'm pissing behind the out houses," an angry Sean had to add," like what kind of help do the want. Not the type I'm willing to give"

With the season starting this Sunday, fans are buying up seats at a fervent pitch. Already four seats are sold, which means it's standing room only at the opening Venue.

"Win or Lose, we're still going to make improvements this year," commented Baron, " Uniforms will fit, and we'll play most of the games on a football pitch."