HURRICANE CANCELS HOME OPENER!

HIGH WINDS AND RAINY APOCALYPSE TEAR ACROSS STADIUMS!

OH! The Calamity!

It was a scene out of Hurricane HAZEL, as the normally placid and tepid shores of Lake Ontario became alive in a scene of utter despair and horror.

Although the Environment Canada portrayed a four day spell of great seasonal and sunny weather, Darlington announced the fields were unplayable.

"It gives you a sense of hopelessness," said Carlos, who had spit shined his shoes for the home opener," and reminds you that we are, after all, mortal"

When pressed into a quick interview, Scott had this to say about the inclimate weather:
"I'm up in my Muskoka cottage, drinking beers with Kurt Russel, and I get this alert that the game's cancelled. Well, whatever, more time to drink I guess."

Surveying the fields, Captain and Coach Der Baron, had a tear in his eye.
"it's just horrible. We get four great days. The pitch is in its top form. The weather's warm, yet very comfortable to play. Then along comes this Hurricane and dashes all our hopes. It's just sad."

With more wild weather to come, will the quiet and serene cities situated in the ongoing hurricane's path see relief? How will the ongoing tropical nightmare affect the normally industrious and bustling inhabitants of this fair province? Perhaps, with prayers at night and hopes in hand, the inclimate weather will break and give sanctuary for those left behind.

SUMMER SOCCER SEASON STARTS!

NEW SEASON NEW HOPES

Kris at his Annual Charity Event on Adelaide

Coach and venerable Captain Baron was ecstatic about the new Football Season.

"I can tell you I'm pumped. We have said goodbye to some great team players, but introduced so many new players that will fit in comfortably."

Among the recent acquisitions are:

Ryan from Gorica in the Slovenian league
"I'm not used to dumbing down my playing, but I guess I'll have to, given the sad state of this league"

Jason from the Gunners of the English Premier League
"I'll miss my mates in the UK. Let me rephrase that. I'll miss the eternal partying, women, and drinking. I'm not sure why I'm here."

Spencer from InterMilan in Italy
"Someone told me that I won a trip to Canada. I'm not even sure where downtown Canada is, but the climate's alright."

Devon from SV Darmstadt in Germany
"I played on the Baron's team indoor. If I've learned anything from the man is that he lies worse than a cheap Persian rug. Gets me drunk and I sign a waiver that turns out to be a contract"

Michael from Thunder Bay
"I have no idea how this game is played, but I assume it's similar to Football. I mean, how hard can this really be?"

Matt from An Outside Caller
"Being on this team is a moment of great joy. After all, we get oranges at half time"

Spartans of the previous years were more guarded in their approach in  the coming season.

"These arses should know better than to tap me on the shoulder for advice when I'm pissing behind the out houses," an angry Sean had to add," like what kind of help do the want. Not the type I'm willing to give"

With the season starting this Sunday, fans are buying up seats at a fervent pitch. Already four seats are sold, which means it's standing room only at the opening Venue.

"Win or Lose, we're still going to make improvements this year," commented Baron, " Uniforms will fit, and we'll play most of the games on a football pitch."