Golden Orange Awarded

Fireworks for the Champion!

FIL SETS STANDARD
In a sombre yet excited ceremony, Sparta FC gave out its awards.
Celebrities of all statures were on hand, to a sold out GM Centre.
"I'm very excited to be here," said Kim Mitchell, who sang the opening song for the ceremony.
"It's all about the fans," said Captain Ian, who wouldn't take autographs or interviews until the gate receipts were counted." and I'm glad the fans are happy with what they saw."
"This isn't a Trek convention," a confused Tim Russ commented," I was told that there would be fans and guest speakers. And why isn't this cheque cashing?"
At the awards themselves, Lisa LaFlamme presented the proceedings as Master of Ceremonies.
"I'm so glad that Lloyd was sick that day, as I'm the Spartan's favourite fan. I loved the movie!"
Fil, dressed to the nines was on hand with numerous women.
"I told you bitches that I was going to win the Orange, and that's how it'll be from now on. No one can compete with me after I FIL the net!" he shouted, to the applause of the fans after accepting the award.
Other finalists were more contemplative on the season, and future possibilities.
"The Baron will always be a force in major league football," said a naked Pat, who found it warmer inside the venue than outside.
"Next year we'll give out more goals, and I'll beat Fil," commented Fernando, equipped with a new member of his family.
"I can't wait for next year," mused Captain Ian," all we can do is get better! After all, 0-0-14 is a record no one will repeat."

AWARDS:

Flop of the Year:
Amir
Despite spending money on the fees, he didn't show up for one game.

Player of the Year:
Mark (Keeper)
Despite getting little to no support, Mark kept the Spartans in the season.

Mediocre Player of the Year:
Pat
Having not improved, Pat didn't lose any of the skills he had.

Most Improved Player:
The Baron
Despite an embarrassing start, the German has shown promise for next year.

Golden Orange '10:
Fil (4)
Fil's ability to score goals can only improve next season.

Sexiest Player:
Kyle
Kyle has shown that a tackle can look beautiful and be full of sexy!

Worst Play:
Captain Ian
Ian showed that although he can move the ball, he can't score on a penalty shot.

Best Team Player:
Fernando
Fernando has shown that he'll hustle, pass and score, no matter what the situation.

Sexiest Goal:
The Baron
Baron's first goal and game winner in the playoffs was both scarey and sexy!
Runner up:
Fernando
Fernando's first goal and first Spartan goal changed the face of the team.

Spartans Lose Playoffs

Spartans take a shot around the net

BLOWOUT ENDS HOPES
With a picture perfect day, the Spartans hoped to win or tie their Bowmanville FC opponents to take the coveted "Loser's Cup".
"Guys, let's remember that although we don't have enough men on the team this late in the season, we can still pull off something like last week," said an energized Captain Ian.
It wasn't long for the massacre to start.
"It's a disappointment all around," said star Anders,"no oranges for half time. What's the point?"
With many Spartan FC players missing, including last game's star and beloved "the Baron", the team this week was a pale comparison of last game's super stars.
"Where's the Baron?" many in the stands shouted, as the local heroes went down in a volley of shots.
"There were numerous incidents," said parking attendent Luis Phillipe," as Spartan fans left the game without taking the grocery bags from their heads."
With the game lost by such a large margin, many Spartan players looked towards next year.
"Next year will be different," said Captain Ian, who has taken an elite squad to the indoors."We'll train a bit harder in the winter, focus on kicking balls into the net, and acquire some defending tips."
And thus ends the worst season for the Spartans ever. Let's hope next year they can find the magic they held in the first playoff game again.

Carmen scores the last goal

Golden Orange hits FEVERED Pitch

Fil's Fans plan a Night Cap!

FLURRY OF GOALS SPARKS SPARTANS!
"I don't know what happened," remarked an astonished Captain Ian, who's lads posted their first win in convincing style,"One moment we're down 4-2, the next we win the game!"
Reporters and fans alike were overjoyed to see the Spartans finally break out in their first playoff game.
"It was a cavalcade of netters!" said Captain Heaney of the FAW, joining the game in downtown Darlington at Joe's Pub.
"All the goals were sexy," commented one woman, who promised to go naked on the next hat trick.
Fil took the lead on the Golden Orange, after scoring not one, but two goals in the first half.
"Scoring goals is easy," related Fil," getting to the net is more difficult."
But the Golden Orange leader didn't have much trouble getting up the field with the likes of Anders, the Baron, Fernando and Sam. All played integral parts in putting the run on Bowmanville FC.

Anders to Sell new line of Bras?

Anders, always a force within the midfield, decided upon a new strategy.
"I'm always trying to score with a header, bicycle kick, foot sweep, with no results. This time I took a trick from Ernst Mueller of the '68 German team...shoulder to ear to net!"
Astonished with the wildly entertaining goal, onlookers shouted their approval as the Spartans closed within one goal.

Yes, it's a bit cold on the field

Sam, just returning after a long hiatus in Japan, showed just how good he could be. As the Baron and Sam jockeyed within the 18, Fil's long drive caught Sam's own direction into the net.
"It's my first goal, and I'm happy to join the elite on the Golden Orange roster!" Sam yelled, as he shook his fist in joy, tying the game up.


What Fans have been waiting for...

 As the minutes died down, the tie game was becoming furious. With the momentum clearly with Sparta FC, Sam took the ball into the 18. The Baron and Fernando took up positions. But this day would clearly go to the ex-Bundelsiga star of the 80's.
"It was the perfect pass," remarked one onlooker.
"I thought the Baron was having an epileptic seizure," laughed Fernando, who was gladly denied on this day.
With a perfect jockeying with an attacking defender, the Baron seized the ball and pocketed it on the lower right corner, securing the 5-4 victory.
"I feel like a million euros!" yelled the big German, who knelt and thanked Thor for the offering.



It's time...BABY! YEAH!

  Just after the mob of Spartans had congratulated their scorer, Pat streaked across the field.
"I've been waiting all year for this!!" the hopping and jumping Pat said."GO Baron!!!"
"It was absolutely disgusting," confirmed Captain Ian," I guess Pat proved who was the bigger man in vulgar fashion..."
With the Golden Orange race set to just one game, and so many contestants, no one knows who will win.
"But one thing is for certain," said Captain Ian,"We won a game through team work and tenacity, and that's what will win us the playoffs!"

SPARTANS WIN!

Fans Riot After Game in Downtown Darlington!

 LATE GOAL SPARKS UPSET
Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest were running commentary for this game!

Gerry: It was a scene like no other...except of course from a Hollywood depiction where the underdogs win when it counts the most.
Craig: Things were tense early on, as the Spartans were poised to field a 9 man team. By whistle, they had 11 men, featuring a hobbling Kevin who somehow managed to play despite a light fracture.
Quick Clip: "Baron kept on calling me a girl," said Kevin,"I'd kick his ass if he wasn't so scarey...so I decided to play just to show him."
Gerry: It looked bad for the Spartans early, when Bowmanville FC scored on the offside. It was quickly waved off.
Craig:From there, the offensive spirit that is Sparta took over. Fil, Anders, Baron, Fernando and Sam all made quick and deliberate attacks. While the Baron came close with a line save by Bowmanville FC, it was fan favourite Fil that opened the scoring with a bullet.
Gerry: Bowmanville came back, with a lucky shot that became an own goal.
Craig: But Fil would not be denied this game. He shot up the field after a near miss by the Baron from Anders, and levelled the goalkeeper with another hard shot.
Gerry: A clever shot by Bowmanville ties it up in the last minutes of the first half.
Craig: That's right Gerry...a wonderful shot that just misses the fingers of GoalKeeper Mark.
Gerry: Half time featured lots of Oranges and high fives.
Craig: Unlike the beginning of the second Half. The Spartans look like they are back to their old tricks.
Gerry: Two goals...bad ones. It looks like total defeat is on hand.
Craig: But don't count out the Spartan offence!
Gerry: Baron, Fernando, Anders, Fil and Sam go on a rampage!
Craig: First Anders. A crazy header that totally beats the Bowmanville goaltender.
Gerry: It looks like a drunken monkey head butt!
Craig: Ugly, but it's a goal. 4-3.
Gerry: And minutes later. The Baron is yelling for the ball from Fil. Fil puts a pass right across the Bowmanville defenders and into the waiting Sam, who pockets the ball. 4-4!
Craig: The crowd is going wild. Can the Spartans keep the tie going into end game.
Gerry: A simple answer...no.
Craig: Again, the attack comes in. Fernando to Fil, to Sam, who sees the Baron being roughed up by a defender. The pass! Baron moves past the defender, turns quickly and blasts a low ball into the net.
Gerry: GGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!
Craig: The Baron is mobbed by his team after a short battle cry to Thor.
Gerry: It's scarey to watch, but the German Forward comes through.
Craig: A late run by Bowmanville.
Gerry: But this time the Spartans run like a well oiled machine.
Craig: Our reporter Jeff is in downtown Darlington. Jeff, what's it like.
Jeff: Craig, I'm here amid carnage and flames. The Spartan fans are razing the city in celebration for their heroes.
Gerry: What's the general mood down there.
Jeff: Women are going naked, painting themselves with the numbers of their favourite Spartan players. There's an elation here that I just can't explain.
Craig: Well, looks like we lost the feed.
Gerry: But we haven't lost the Spartans! What a game. See you next week as Bowmanville FC attempts to take the Aggregate Series.

Spartans are Bitches

Beckham promises to go naked next game!

Beckham Issues Challenge to "LOSER" Team
After being shut out in their second consecutive game, the Spartan FC club was called a "bunch of bitches" by English super star and underwear model David Beckham.
"Let me tell all the angry ladies out there that I know the Spartans are probably worse than the woman's teams at Darlington. So calling them bitches isn't supposed to be derogatory to women. It's just a shame that grown men can't score a simple goal at a soccer match." David told reporters at the GM Centre.
"Beckham may be right," retorted an angry Captain Ian,"but from the picture he looks about centred...not that I paid much attention to that...Pat told me."
After some promising plays, and a botched penalty kick, the Spartans ended the season much the way they started it; losing.
"Losing isn't the problem," said Fil, who fought back tears while he cut onions for supper,"it's the pictures of Beckham that really hurts."
Despite actions from Anders, Fernando, Captain Ian, the Baron and Tyler, the hapless Spartans were denied goal after goal.
"It's true that I missed a few shots," told Fernando," but in all honesty it was probably Dave's fault."
"I was just here for the half time treats," said the banned superstar, who hopes to join both indoor leagues to keep trim and fit." Last year I gained 30 pounds during the winter. Luckily I joined Weight Watchers and lost the weight before training camp this year."
"It's true," confirmed Sarah Rue of Weight Watchers fame," he did lose 30 pounds."
While many of the Spartans refused to comment about the loss, many were excited about their potential in the playoffs.
"I think we really have a chance," Captain Ian stated in a mock pep rally infront of the mirror," no, that won't work. We really can do this guys...no, that's not convincing...."
More of David Beckham to come...unless things change for the better!

Spartans Come up with Perfect Season

No guts, no glory!

First Time Ever With no Wins
"Well, that didn't go exactly as planned," said Captain Ian, choking back the emotions of the season that never was," when I prophesized a perfect season, I meant losing NO games. I guess the guys got confused."
The Spartan FC dressing room was a scene of misery and dejection yesterday, after our heroes lost 5-0.
"I went to get a bucket of chicken at half time," said Pat," and now we're down and out?"
Things were going well for the Spartans, until Bowmanville FC scored just before half time.
Just a minute later, Captain Ian was brought down in the 18 and received a penalty kick.
"We never get calls like that," a confused Anders told reporters," initially we thought it was an indirect free kick."
But, on a day that will live in infamy, the Spartan Captain showed exactly why he's not on the revered list of scorers.
"All I could think about was stopping Dave Beckham from being on our website. Next thing I knew, the ball was rolling. I think though, in all honesty, Fernando should have got it in after my pass." revealed the ingenious Spartan leader.
"Yeah, I really screwed up that wide open net," admitted a dejected Fernando. "What was I thinking?"
There were some great moments in the game.
Tyler and Fil both created some good chances, just missing the net. A pass from Captain Ian just missed the Baron's foot.
"I'm still prepared," laughed Pat, who promised to streak naked if the Baron scored.
But the second half provided some low points as well.
Some great chances created by Fernando and Anders were missed. And teenaged heart throb The Baron made a breakaway throwaway after tapping the ball out of play.
"I was so angry," the frustrated Forward barked." I really wanted to see if Pat was really as big as the Spartan washroom stalls say he is."
With the season now over, Captain Ian has some difficult times ahead for the playoffs.
"Our team is way better than when they first started," commented Ian," but our lack of subs is really getting us exhausted and that creates mistakes. Mistakes creates goals. And goals, they create losses, especially for us."

Beckham says Spartans Worst Team

Scoreless games means more of this guy!

"It's a disgrace," commented former English National Team Captain David Beckham, after he saw the results of the latest Spartan game." I mean, to lose is one thing. We're used to that in England. But to be shut out by a team relying on bouncing passes."
In response, the well built European took off his clothes.
"Fil, Fernando, Baron, Anders, they all want to see a woman here. Well, Victoria's not doing it unless you score, and I have bigger breasts anyways!"
"It's horrible," a sickened Captain Ian retorted, attempting to keep his stomach contents within his body,"I just wish someone will score next game so we don't have to see him in his gitch."
"I really tried...I really did," said a distraught Fernando, who has been left off the score sheet for one too many games.
"I see that Beckham got that mole removed," noticed Mark, who would not elaborate further when pressed by this reporter.
Many on the team promised more concrete results, following the outburst from the professional soccer player.
"I'm still waiting for Baron to score," hoped Pat, who has been wearing tear away shorts and shirts in the hope that he can streak around the field."and I hope that day isn't cold!"
"We have this award," reflected Captain Ian," and it's the most prestigious in the FAD. I can't imagine anyone not wanting to hold it, to savour its essence. That trophy speaks volumes about the man who can win it. Everyone will know that a Spartan FC gave his all. I, of course, speak of ..."

COLOURING AND NAME OF AWARD WITHHELD BY REQUEST

Spartans Lose Out

Another Spartan Shot Blocked!

LAPSES CAUSE GOALS
Just hours after the Spartan's lose, pundits and experts were already putting the final nail in the Spartan casket.
With last place a certainty, the team was looking towards a new formation and eagerness.
"Relegation is a possibility," said Captain Ian,"But we're always looking for miracles. I pray everyday, three times on game day."
Once again our heroes were more than a challenge for the opposition. But it was the Spartans who were down by 1 goal at the half. A bad bounce actually fooled everyone and found its own way into the net.
"I think the Baron's oranges were off a bit," said Anders after taking a mouthful of the delectable fruit."and I said Oranges, not Golden Oranges, so stop doing all that colouring and fonting! I mean it!"
"The oranges were fine," commented Dave, who tasted his first half time treat.
For the second half, it was back to business. The Spartans found the net early, only to be denied by some great goalkeeping.
"Seems that I can't even hit the post after someone on the website made fun of me..." an angry Tyler told reporters.
Taking four unanswered goals near the end of the half seemed to seal the deal.
A last minute charge by Fil and the Baron didn't change matters, as a Golden Orange opportunity was missed right infront of the net.
The game ended a five game scoring streak for the hapless Spartans, who now play their next game against their post season rivals. The question on everyone's mind is, can they win a game?
"No team in the history of Darlington has gone with a total losing record," a contemplating Captain Ian told an empty room," but we'll try."

FAW Embraces FAD

FAW Commissionaire Campbell

"I embrace the movement of FAD players to the FAW," remarked a jubilant Commissioner Campbell, as he signed a deal to expand the FAW."Soccer stands for progress, integrity and entertainment, and we'll have none of that."
With summer soccer running down its last few weeks, things are looking busy for the various leagues looking for players to fill their rosters.
Most of the FAW teams were reluctant to accept the Spartan FC players, fearing the dilution would entail poorer plays and even worse ratings.
"We can't go any further down," said owner and Captain Heaney of the FAW Blacks." We lost our tv deal, we had to sell the bleechers for Fags. They can't switch off the lights, can they?"
While the FAW is experiencing a surge in their support this year, Captain Ian is attempting to keep his players limber and learning in the upcoming season.
"Who knows how this will unfold," a reflective Spartan captain said recently," we could end up in first place. But if the top 9 teams stay healthy, there's always next year. And besides, indoor can be fun."
Captain Ian and Commissioner Campbell refused to shake hands, and ended up in a slapping contest. After years of rivalry, the two have become household names where antagonism is concerned.
"It's kinda like Spic and Span, or the Captain and Toniel, or Kirk and Spock," said Commissioner Campbell." We don't get along, and that's the sad truth."
"I have the utmost respect for the FAW, but not for their drunken leader," Captain Ian told reporters. " He's the anti-Christ, no make that Adolf Stalin."
Both were in agreement, though, that their players should continue to improve during the winter, and work towards the coveted titles in either league.

And Fil Makes it Three (with Two)

FAD Officials stop Fil's Fans from streaking!

As the summer winds down, many of our thoughts turn to the coming Autumn. Rib Fest, School, colder weather.
But for Fil, it means only one thing.
"I'll grab that trophy and eat it infront of Fernando and James," boasted the goal scorer. Reporters had to remind him that the trophy was not edible, to which he replied," we'll see."
In a game that saw Fernando absent, Kevin on the sidelines, and James roughed up by the defense, fan favourite Fil was really all that remained to cheer for.
"Fil's thunder kick made me quake in my loins," commented one Spartan spectator. The fan's wife was also impressed with the kick.
Tyler once again led the pack with some quality shots, but it was Anders that would be denied a spot on the esteemed trophy.
"I get this pass from Baron, and he's yelling something. I know the net was wide open. But I didn't expect that, and got a bit nervous," replied Anders after suggestions that the mid-fielder totally messed up a golden opportunity.
"I didn't say that," said Captain Ian,"I just said that unlike me, Anders doesn't take hold of opportunities like this."
Asked about his two open net shots that felled two passing sea gulls, the Spartan FC Captain simply left the interview after slapping this reporter.
Former Dortmund Owner Franz Oeller was on hand to watch his old friend The Baron. Things were tense when the Baron just missed a long ball from Fil.
"The Baron played well out there, and he'll continue to be a force majeure for the Spartans."
"With two games left, and plenty of goals to go around, the Golden Orange is definitely still up for grabs," confessed Captain Ian," and someone will definitely win it."

Spartans Vow not to Miss Again!

Anders misses a close one!

"We'll never miss an open net again!" said an optimistic Captain Ian, after the Spartans continued their immeasurable luck against their opponents.
Starting with nine men, the Spartans were quickly overwhelmed by their opponents. After posting 2-0, the Destroyers found a wall. From there, Golden Orange hopeful Fil found the net with a nice pass after a fumble from the Baron.
"James just picks up the ball from the guy and hands it to me for the back of the net!" said a jubilant Fil, who now ties der Wunderkind James and Nosse Amante Fernando.
Being 2-1 at Half, the Spartans were poised to post their first tie of the year.
From there it was all Spartans.
Anders, former bench warmer for Bayern Munich showed why he's now playing the fields of Darlington. The once sure footed mid-fielder chimed the post, and minutes later missed a wide open net.
Captain Ian made two blasts from the 18, just missing the uprights.
"If this were American football, I'd have six points," said the Spartan Captain.
Ex-goal post ringer Tyler continued his ways, just missing on three shots.
Even recent fan favourite The Baron got into the game. A penalty kick from Fil was well placed, but the German midfielder missed the header by a mere inch.
"Pat said he'd streak on the field if I scored. I couldn't be responsible for that..." said a disappointed Baron.
While most of the second half was played in the Destroyer half, they managed two goals against an unkept Spartan Defense.
"I'm not sure why our defense looked so bad," commented an exhausted Kyle," but I suppose there's room for improvement."
Spartan Fans actually stayed for the entire game, and were overjoyed when their heroes continued to press hard after the ejection of ex-Galaxy mediocre player Dave.
With two games remaining, Captain Ian was looking forward to the future.
"We have two regular games, and two playoff games. I figure we'll win atleast one of them, and take the relegation round."

Pele says James is the Best

James' Ball Girl

"James may be the best player in Darlington," said soccer star Pele, who recently visited the Spartan Club House." His ascension to fame is here. Two goals. Two games."
"It's great to have Pele visit us and suggest some improvements to the team," a joyful Captain Ian told reporters," and his first suggestion was to win a game."
"Some good words from a washed up superstar," retorted Fernando," what does he know? Fernando and his Xmas soccer ball will make an impact. You'll see."
Golden Orange competitor Fil was more philisophical.
"I appreciate what Pele has done for the sport, but he's an idiot.I'm the future. Talk all you want about Fernando, James or Dave. I only have one concern," mused Fil," and that's the foot of the Baron"
Opponents and team mates alike were overjoyed to see the former Bundesliga star almost score.
"Maybe the Baron has finally found his groove," said Jurgen Klinsmann." He's looked sloppy in the first half of the season, but the FAW player of the year has shown resilience and a true German spirit."
Where is James in all this?
The young superstar could be found on the soccer field, practicing for a critical game against depleted FC Destroyers.
"I'm the greatest! You wanna see goals? Don't stare infront of your XBox and watch FIFA 2011. Watch me this coming game as I score a hat trick and F*ck the competition." boasted James.
Asked about Pele, James could only say," the guy hasn't scored a goal in two decades. How can I take him seriously?"

Unkept Field Stops the Spartans

Cutters come in AFTER the game!

"All things considered, this is probably a disaster," a disgruntled Captain Ian said after the 6-1 loss on an overgrown field." I was getting visions of my time in the 'Nam. Either way, it was a massacre of epic proportions."
Missing many of their star players, including Dave, Fil and Kevin, the Spartans struggled early with the set plays of Durham United.
"It was like watching the England verseus Germany game at the WC 2010," said the Spartan Fan who left early during the drubbing.
After being down 2-0, sports sensation James took a nifty 1-2-3 pass from Rocco, Tyler and into the net.
"These old timers don't know how to score," said the arrogant youngster, who's story will appear later on this site.
Meanwhile, old veterans Anders, Sam and Tyler experienced severe difficulties penetrating the enemy 18.
"Well, atleast I'm not hitting the cross bars," said Tyler, who missed one great chance from a long ball sent by a frustrated Fernando.
"I'm playing like f#ckin sh!t. I can't believe my @ss luck!" said the Spartan goal scorer infront of his wife and children.
According to Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest, the Spartans seemed to have bogged down in the 6 inch tall grass.
"Your wife calls that six inches?" asked a disbelieving Craig Forrest. Gerry quickly changed subjects upon a great feed to the Baron.
"The collective crowd held their breathe," said an astonished Gerry," as the ball gravitated towards the ex-Dortmund superstar. Crickets stopped their mating songs. It was if the world itself waited."
Unfortunately, the well placed shot caught the high grass and rested easily for the out of position goalie.
"I really thought it was in," a panting Captain Ian sighed," but that's the way it goes in this league. Either it's in or it isn't. This wasn't one of those times."

Indoor Soccer!

Join us for Indoor Soccer!

Greetings All...
Here's some options for continuing the soccer skills under cold snowy skies ahead!

From Captain Ian:
I am putting a team into darlington for indoor. I will be carrying 16 to 18 players. cost will depend on how many sign. About $200 per with a cost for uniforms if we don't get a sponser. So if anyone has ideas for sponsers let me know. The more we get from sponsers the lower the cost per player. We pay as a team not individuals. We have to have a deposit paid by sept 7th, and the total by the 16th. So anyone who is interested please email me right away. I will need a $20 deposit from each player to hold your spot. I apologize to anyone who doesn't get on the team but indoor is played with 6 on the field so I can't take too many.


From the Baron
For those of you that have interest, I play in a "pick up" League during the winter called the FAW. It's very competitive, without the worries of getting injured, fighting or hostiles. We play with hockey nets, and inside a gym. It's intense, fun and cheap. Last year we paid $50 for the season (September to April). It's 4 on 4, with subs. No slide tackles, no refs (we don't need them as it's purely honour system). There are no set teams. Whoever shows up gets put into a pool and the skills are divided equally. Three half hour games with breaks inbetween. Pat and I have played in this league before, and it's a blast...really fun. Email me should you need more info on this.

Rookie Joins Golden Orange!

A little wave to our favourite scorer!

It took just 65 minutes for Rookie James to join the elite and select group within Sparta FC.
"I felt like David Beckham," said an emotionally charged James," without the anorexic wife. Well, without any wife actually. I spend most of my nights playing StarCraft and getting drunk with my online friends."
James' goal ended months of bickering and often hostile actions between rivals Fernando and Fil.
"I gots the best women now...BITCHES!" James was heard saying as he rode his ten speed home in eager anticipation of the hordes of women that would now flock to him.
Shut out for the first time in three games, a despairing Fernando was upbeat.
"Look. Good for the kid. He got the woman this time. But kid. Listen to me. Goals are like women. The more you get, the happier you are. And I have scored more often than you!"
"I think it's exciting," laughed Fil," the more the merrier, but in the end, only I can prevail. Only the Fil can win the Golden Orange!"
Again, the air was racked by good attempts from Dave, Tyler, Jordan and Carmen.
" I really thought it went in," said Dave," but I guess it didn't. And that's how it'll be until I score."
Critics were harsh on Captain Ian's missed opportunity, which could have been voted the "Most Sexy Goal" of 2010.
" I saw the ball on my feet," commented the non-scoring Spartan Captain," and thought about what woman would look good on the website for me. Two minutes later I realized that the ball had rolled into the Goaltender's hands. Frustrating to be sure, but next time I'll know better. Then again, probably not, but I like to be optimistic."
Midfielder Anders also had a great opportunity, but failed to convert the perfect pass from Carmen.
"All I could think about was how many times Golden Orange was bolded in typeface and coloured orange. The website bugged me out a bit. Golden and Orange. Why is it called the Golden Orange. Why is orange orange? If the fruit Orange were blue, would we call it Blue? Would it then be the Golden Blue? I just don't get it. And the bold typeface..."
Anders' speech was cut short when Pat told him to "shut the F*ck up."
"No disrespect to my team mate, but this is soccer, not Philosophy 101. And did he really say that Baron, or are you making this crap up as you're going along?"
With three members now actively vying for the Golden Orange, will others pick up the pace? Is there a dark horse within the ranks that is on the verge of a break out? And where the hell is Kevin?
Catch Sparta FC on your local cable provider to find out!

Rookie Sensation Joins Spartans!

Rookie scores late goal against all odds!

It was much the same for our local heroes last night on the pitch.
"I'm not offering any excuses," said a disgruntled but optimistic Captain Ian," but our team let us down out there."
Although the Spartans looked impressive, making many close shots on goal, nothing registered until a late first half goal by the visiting Village Inn Hearts.
"I can't believe my record was broken today," a dishevelled Tyler commented, after failing to hit the goal posts this game. He was consoled by his mother off camera, after emotionally breaking down during his post game interview.
Although the out of towners would pocket two more goals in the second half, the Spartans looked close to tying if not pulling ahead. The talented likes of Dave and Fernando, as well as upstarts Carmen and Sam seemed to be well up on their techniques, although short of hitting net.
Fans of Fil, favoured in a recent pole for the Golden Orange, were ecstatic when their hero continued to shoot balls fifty feet over the net.
"If he actually gets on target, no goalie can stop a footy drive from Fil's Feet!"
But it was not the regular heroes that would shine on this day. Two new members joined Sparta FC after some intense negotiation.
"We were sitting outside the LCBO, and this guy [Captain Ian] comes up. We asked him to buy us some Colt 45 as we forgot our ID. He replied that he'd supply us alcohol as long as we played the rest of the season. Seems like a good trade." said Jordan, one of two new additions.
"I've known James and the other guy for a long time," Captain Ian told the FAD Commissionaire," and would like them on the team.
And it was James who would score the Spartans' only goal.
Unlike other games, there was no final flurry, and no real urgency at the end.
"Sometimes you win games, and sometimes you lose them," retorted a philisophical Captain Ian, " and this was not one of them."

Golden Orange Race Heats Up!

Fernando's Fans help him to focus on the net!

The coveted Golden Orange is heating up for Sparta FC.
Although the popular club lost their last game, the torrent of goals produced created two new leaders of the team; Fil and Fernando.
"We call them the two F's," said Captain Ian," Fantastik and Fantastique"
"I don't really believe in goals," said a humble Fernando," but if someone has to score them, it should be me."
"Fernando might have more goals," retorted a challenging Fil," but mine are sexier, and let's face it, I get more action from the ladies!"
Things are getting heated between the two goal producing rivals, creating some interesting results.
"Fernando promised me a night out with his best fan if I fed him great plays," said an excited Anders," and I really hope it's a female."
"Fil promised me a threesome with his women fans," said Pat, " plus a chicken. Or was it a bucket of chicken. I kinda lost concentration after he mentioned the chicken."
But this type of cajoling for goals is not influencing the pretenders of the goal scoring group. Dave, Tyler, Kevin and even Captain Ian are not promising to end their bids to take a bite from the sacred Golden Orange.
Tyler, the young mid-fielder from Chelsea, has hit the post 6 times in as many games.
"I heard that if you get to ten, you get an honoury goal," he replied to our questioning.
Dave, on loan from Los Angeles, was philisophical concerning his bid for the prestigious title.
"I can't promise women. But I can promise fun as only a man can provide," he said with a wink, which made this reporter somewhat nervous. Seeing this the star Forward yelled out " Beer and BBQ! And maybe a little XBox...that's a gaming console, so don't think otherwise."
Kevin was unavailable for comment, instead relying on goals by proxy as he departed for a long August vacation. He did send an email that the site looked prettier with the Golden Orange coloured orange (and having a Bold typeface)
"I can't predict who will win the Golden Orange," commented Captain Ian, " but those that score will always be labelled as goal scorers, and a goal scorer will win Sparta FC's highest award for actually scoring."

Fans of Fil...which is better?

Heart-Break at Hydro!

Spartan Fans Can't believe their team's luck!

CTV - Post Game Analysis
Gerry: I'm Gerry Dobson, with my co-host Craig Forrest.
Craig: Good to be back Gerry, especially after that game last night!
Gerry: That's right Craig. What a heartbreak loss by the Spartans.
Craig: Before the game even starts, Captain Ian is hauled away on a stretcher.
Gerry: Not a good sign. Seems he collapsed after seeing so many subs.
Craig: He wasn't seeing double! Just a team ready to play.
Gerry: And play they did. Early chances for the Spartans.
Craig: Tyler hits the goalpost, and it awkwardly spirals over the right post.
Gerry: And their first real break. Fil just touches a penalty kick, which is saved and driven out.
Craig: And then Fernando takes another step to winning the Golden Orange.
Gerry: A beautiful goal. The Fernando Girls will be up all night on that one.
Craig: So beautiful I wanted to take him home and have sex with him.
Gerry: The Spartans lead 1-0 at half time. They're not used to this.
Craig: Some stern words from Captain Ian, until he realizes the team is leading.
Gerry: Second half, all Spartans
Craig: Fil and Dave shoot just wide. Everyone's after the Orange!
Gerry: But then some sloppiness.
Craig: 2 goals in 10 minutes. Spartans down by 1
Gerry: Some lapses in the midfield Craig?
Craig: If you look at the replays, 4 defenders against 7 attackers. Very poor.
Gerry: And the goal that decides the game.
Craig: A weak kick. It hits the Goalie, hits the defender and just enters the net.
Gerry: A late goal by Fil.
Craig: He's seeking redemption on that missed penalty. Cool. Slick. Clean.
Gerry: Talk about wanting to have homosexual sex!
Craig: (laughs) That's right. That goal made me horny.
Gerry: And this incites the Baron's war cry.
Craig: Scary to watch, but it energizes the Spartans.
Gerry: And they almost score...twice...in the last minutes of the game.
Craig: Overall, the Spartans outplayed their opponents. They must feel very disappointed.
Gerry: Could have been 5-3 had the plays converted.
Craig: The result didn't match the play on the field.
Gerry: Will we see the first win for the Spartans next game?
Craig: These Spartans played with determination and effect. I could see it.
Gerry: Exciting to watch, even in a heartbreak loss. Until next game!

TSN's Focus Point

Captain Ian on TSN!

Yesterday, Captain Ian of Sparta FC met with TSN to discuss his thoughts at season's half.

TSN: Your Spartans are in last place. .
IAN: We're in last place by a point, and a win brings us almost mid standings.
TSN: What do you think the greatest failing of the team would be?
IAN: We don't get enough players. 40% of all games started short. We need players to show up
TSN: You recently cleaned house with a number of no shows.
IAN: By doing so, we are able to sign people who want to play.
TSN: What do you think the greatest improvement of the team to be?
IAN: Our passing and possession is really improved.
TSN: What are you focusing on for the next half?
IAN: One word...SCORING
TSN: on Twitter, SpartaFan14 asks, "What do the owners think?"
IAN: the owners let go many of the stars of last year. Now they're paying for it.
TSN: as a Captain, are you being presssured to take the fall?
IAN: there's always pressure as a Captain in this world renowned divsion.
TSN: some would say that the team is simply failing due to the curse.
IAN: this curse stuff is nonsense. Baron sacrificed a wild boar to Thor two months ago.
TSN: Tell us your thoughts about the Golden Orange
IAN: it's a coveted award.
TSN: and yet no one seems intent on winning it.
IAN: someone always wins it.
TSN: GIZM0 writes : "will we see the Spartan Cheerleaders again?"
IAN: My grandmother and her friends are retired.
TSN: FernandoFan873 asks : "Charity calendar?"
IAN: (laughs) Last year's calendar was a hit. Unfortunately not so for the advent calendar.
TSN: that was the one where the windows were positioned by the players' crotches?
IAN: except for mine...I was the double window.
TSN: and Pat's, if memory serves correct, who was turned around for the shot.
IAN: same place, other side...of course most of that was photoshopped, except for mine.
TSN: Predictions?
IAN: More goals, a few wins, lots of fun for the fans
TSN: And there you have it...Sparta FC...thanks Ian.

Darlington All Star Game a Success!

Village Hearts Inn Forward takes hard tackle from Chiefs' Defender

Awesome. Spectacular. Magnificient!
These are just some of the words overheard at the annual Civic Weekend Darlington All Star Game yesterday.
Sending out the best of the Darlington League, the East Conference defeated the West Conference by a score of 4-3.
"We can be especially proud of our fans, who were the real winners of this game," said Darlington President Joachim Gill.
With tickets selling for $10 each, enough money was generated to hire Linesmen and a certified Referee.
"People may complain about the officiating during the regular games, but here at DMRL we pride ourselves on putting money where it counts!" said Gill, under mounting criticism concerning bad referees within the men's league.
At half time, fans were greeted with an immeasurable act from "Edward and the Guitar Fingers" cover band.
"We love to play for the fans," said Guy Aceriz, lead singer of the band,"and given this venue was an honour."
A two minute fireworks exhibit was held as well, featuring the Oshawa Divas of Yesteryear. Although no one was critically hurt in the display, some of the Divas went topless, causing some vomitting and fainting from the mostly male crowd.
At half time, the East was up by 2 goals, thanks to some quick utilization of skills, and some sloppy playing by the West enders. Luckily for both sides, there were plenty of substitutes.
With the All Star Game now over, all players can look forward to this weeks games and chasing the coveted Darlington Crown.

PRACTICE: Week of July 26th

If anyone wants to run a FootBall practice, please indicate below.

If you're interested in a practice, indicate below. Sometimes people will be into it if someone posts.

We've often commented that this day or that day isn't good. So instead, post a date and see who will come. It may surprise you!

Referee Causes Calamity!

Darlington brings in another great asset

Word in today that Spartan Captain Ian has been brought up on allegations of hatred against the blind.

"All I said was that last game's ref was blind, to have made all those calls," retorted an angry Captain Ian,"I've never had anything against the blind."

"Captain Ian is obviously a closet rascist against the blind," said CNIB spokeswoman Natilla del Reya."No blind person would have ever made calls that bad."

The Spartans lost the game in what some call "the worst officiating of all time" at a Darlington game.

"I challenge the ball, and the next thing I know, I have a dirt and two knees sandwich," said mid-fielder Tyler, who was continuously gunned down by the opponents with no calls.

The final icing on the cake was a red card given to Forward Kevin.

"All I asked was if the Ref needed his glasses cleaned," said Kevin, after an opponent tossed the ball out of the 18 with his hands."I didn't know that the ref was semi-blind."

What followed was what one fan called "unbelievable".

"The ref kept shouting at this tree, telling it to leave the field. We weren't certain what he was on about. I think the only thing that saved the game was Baron's prelude to a beserker rage."

"All I know is Kevin got a red card for no reason, and then the ref goes off on some tangent. Look. I'm here to play Football, not walk around on 4 inch long grass all night for $200 a year," said an angry Baron, who took his antics a step further after the game, challenging the Ref to an "Iron Man Wrestling Match".

"Let it truly be said that Darlington doesn't bring their best officials to these games," said Captain Ian, " so we're stuck with whoever gets out last from the Tartan Saturday night."

The Tartan had no comment.

The Man Returns!

Mark P returns from Europe!

Word today from the Oshawa this Week, indicating that Famed mid-fielder and heart throb Mark P has returned from try outs with Vfl Wolfsburg.
"We sent Mark over as part of an exchange," said Captain Ian," but his replacement never showed up to any games!"
"It was amazing in Germany," an obviously well tanned and well rested Mark commented," we drank lots of beer, partied and visited the red light districts."
Asked about the German training program and where he improved, Mark muttered something incomprehensible and left the interview.
With trying times ahead of the Spartans, who currently sit in the relegation zone, the arrival of their semi-star player is a blessing.
"I don't expect much from him," said Captain Ian," but if he does something, great."
Fans have already responded favourably to the news, and this week's Sparta FC game appears to have sold a ticket, although TicketMaster could not verify whether it was a glitch in the system or not.

PRACTICE : Wednesday, July 21st

Location: Holy Trinity Secondary School, Courtice
Time: 1800h to close

Greetings Fellow Spartan FC players,

Last week's practice went really well. Lots of good ideas and we tried out many new plays, which were used effectively on the pitch on Sunday's game. The Wendy's Frosty's were a real treat!!

So we'll have another practice set up. Come at any time. Late or not, we'll welcome your input and your determination.

Please use the comment button below to indicate whether or not you'll be there.

Spartans Get Closer!

Congrats to Tyler for almost Scoring!!

In a post game conference after their thrilling 4-0 loss, Captain Ian was quite optimistic.
"We controlled the pitch and flow of the game for much of the match," he said," and except for a few lapses, we could have come away with a fairly even draw."
Crowds were hard to control before the match. Once the Spartans started, they left after the other game ended.
"It's very concerning," said GoalKeeper Mark," that I can't get a parking spot until the Girls' team leaves the field."
Under the lights of Famed Hydro Field # 2, the Spartans came under fire.
"You don't have enough for a team," the Referee retorted, angry that he was going to miss another episode of Coronation Street. It was an anger that would build up to produce numerous anti-Spartan calls.
Captain Ian immediately set upon the locals, putting players into uniforms, whether they fit or not.
Once the eight man squad entered the pitch, they completely put a rout to the 16 man opposition.
"It was like we were the better team," said a surprised Kevin, who came inches away from notching his team leading first goal.
"Just think what would have happened had we had a full team with subs!" said Anders, puffing through an oxygen tank after eating too many oranges and taking too many runs.
By half time, the team was shaken by an offside goal, and Dave's ontimer that hit a passing sea gull.
But with one sub, and two injured players, all the Spartans could really hope for was a close draw.
Two quick goals against them, the Spartans came back with a neat kick by Tyler, which just missed the right upper corner.
Conspicuously absent was star mid-fielder Fernando. A van of women, sporting Fernando's name were quickly kicked off the field by Darlington Officials due to copyright infringment. They were later found in a prostitution sting against the same Darlington individuals.
"Let it be said here today," said Captain Ian," that not only did we lose, but we tried our best."

Practice: Thursday July 15th

Hey All,

We're going to run a practice on the 15th of July. I have a few people that are interested, and we'll schedule these more frequently. As long as there's a couple of people, we'll get going with these.

The field I recommend is that field just north of the 401 on Courtice road. It's hidden away, so you have to watch for it.

We'll go over some moves and drills to hone our skills.

Spartans Come up Short in Heart Break Loss

Ref refuses to believe Kevin that Sparta has scored.

TSN exclusive

"This is a moment that all will remember with pride and elation!" said a happy Captain Ian.
Long having been ridiculed by both owners and fans alike, the Spartans finally delivered a nifty little header into the opponent's net.
"I'm used to seeing them score on themselves," said one Spartan fan,"so it's great to actually see them put one past the other goalie!"
Commentators on the TSN blog were temporarily stunned by the goal, which caused the twitter server to go down.
"I haven't seen this much excitement since South Africa," said Blog of God, TSN's number one Blog Administrator.
"It was sheer bedlam," said scorer Fernando." I'm not sure what happened. There was this ball, it came to me, and I neatly tucked it to bed."
Moments later, the referee cautioned Fernando, after the Forward attempted to steal the game ball, "for posterity".
The post goal celebration was a bit much for the often loved Spartan.
"Baron gives me this big bear hug, and then the team's all over me. I felt like Lindsay Lohan after a bout on the town..."
Fernando merchandise sprouted up on eBay, including a pair of underwear currently at $1.50 CAD.
Although the Spartans ended up on the short end of the pitch, their performance gives new hope as the season reaches half way. Die hard fans even stayed until the final whistle, opting to endure the thirty second wait to get out of the parking lot.

Spartan Practice! -- July 7th

If anyone is interested in a practice, please leave comments of when and where. We can take a field in Oshawa, Courtice, etc. Courtice HS may be good.

I need to improve my game, so I'll go even if there's three people. As long as we can try some things and strengthen our game.

Spartan Fans outraged!!

Fight night for the Spartans!

It was supposed to be the culmination of prestigious planning.
It turned out to be a lesson in the failures of human officiating.
"This is the greatest affront to football since the Wembly Goal," said Mick Jaggger, who raced from South Africa to view the return of Captain Ian and the new Spartan team.
Spectators were delighted, initially, to see the Spartans thrust their offensive and miss a goal from the right post. Spartan fans, donning the grey, white and black, cheered from the stands.
"That Fernando, he's so dreamy," said one fan, who decided he'd go topless.
Then, the moment that crushed the dreams and hopes of those on hand.
"The officiating... is ...horrible," said a departing Bill Shatner.
As the goals mounted against the good guys, the stands became more and more empty. By the seventh goal, even the homeless men had left.
Things look even worse for Spartan fans. Fernando took a red card, after a tall Shooters player fell on his head and accused the ex-Barcelona midfielder of physical attack. As Fernando laughed, the referee took out the card, much to the chagrin of his fan.
"That referee don't know yellow from green," remarked Joe, president of the Fernando Rulez Club.
Captain Ian noted that there were a good many things that did work, but the majority didn't. "and that's good for Football in general" said the returning Spartan captain.

Practice - last week of June

Spartans!

Who wants to set up a practice? Please sign up below, and select a day that works for you. What we can do is run individual practices, if need be. Even if we get four people, we can run through some drills and sharpen our skills.

Remember that July 1st is a stat holiday, so if you want to do something in the morning, let's say, that could work as well!

We can't practice on field this week...it's a night game, so we don't get the field until the last game is done!

Commentators Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest

Sunday night, FAD commentators Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest talked about the Spartans in a post game analysis.

Gerry: It was  a mixture of good and bad in this last game for the Spartans

Craig: It certainly was Gerry. The Spartans started out in a bad spot. Having only 9 men to start, they had some adversity to overcome

Gerry: And that they did. If we look at the highlights, the Spartans kept the Gunnars from the net for a good 20 minutes. Some good passing, and some fine chances.

Gerry: then some lapses in defense, Craig

Craig: that's right Gerry. Maybe a little tired, maybe a overhwelmed by the more numerous opponent.

Gerry: And that's when the Spartans get some relief. They finally have a sub.

Craig: But it's a little too late. Note the positioning. The Spartans seem to have lost their positioning, allowing for an unneeded third and fourth goal.

Gerry: And that's about where it stood, until the rain came down. Gunnars added one more late goal, against the exhausted Spartans.

Craig: Overall, not a bad game for them. Lack of substitutes really did them in this time, as well as momentary lacks of holding positions.

Gerry: As well as some fine saves from their goalkeeper.

Craig: [laughs] Goalkeeping is the most important job.

Gerry: too bad you never excelled at it.

Craig: up yours Gerry

Gerry: and that's it for our post game analysis...good night.

Captain Ian in Trouble

FAD Accountants question "Talent Search" in Cuba

Word from FAD officials, who recently received questionable reciepts from Captain Ian, who seems to be on a search for new Spartan players in Cuba.
"Alcohol, multiple hotel rooms and 'massages with happy endings' does not constitute best practices for Darlington owners," commented William Shutz, lead accountant for the FAD.
When confronted with these charges, Captain Ian was quick to denounce them.
"The women's league is completely low on quality players. I took matters into my own hands to ensure quality would return to their divisions."
Although Captain Ian did admit that the new recruits lacked any sort of football skill, he noted "they were eager to try new things and participated in three on ones and other positional problems."
Captain Ian is due back early next week.

Practice!

Spartans!
We really need to have a few practices. There's two ways of thinking.

First:
We have a weekday meeting. We need atleast 10 committed people to conduct a practice.

Second:
We meet an hour earlier from the game to go over some items.

Ideas or comments are welcome to improve

Spartans Lose Thriller!

Keeper Mark Saves one of Many!

Fans and Sportscasters were kept locked on the wildly entertaining game between the Spartans and Destroyers. After a critical error by loaned Bundesliga legend The Baron, the Destroyers took a one nil lead into the half.

"Our goaltender told me to cover the Black guy...how was I to know that there were two of them?" said the irate Baron.

Riding a high, the Spartans learned that Olympiacos forward Fil would miss the match due to ligament damage. And after a indulgence of oranges the team took to the field.

"I don't know what happened," said Spartan goalie Mark,"suddenly I had all these shots on goal."

The Spartans were shocked to discover that the second half was actually a combination of the entire game.

"When we played the friendly against the Mosquito Girls, the second half didn't count," said Pat, who had a good shot on net in the first,"and I think that really screwed us up."

In confirming this point, most of the Spartan fans and substitutes left after the mandatory oranges.