SPARTANS WIN SECOND OF SEASON

CAPTAIN J FIRES ON ALL CYLINDERS!

Captain J leads the men to victory!

The opening kick off to the Spartan's fourth indoor game was met with jeering and drunken revelry from the crowd. Signs came up early saying "Shittiest Players" and "I wiped my Ass with this jersey." Boos followed each Spartan touch.

"There's a lot of emotion out there," said Captain J," and we just have to play our way, our game."

But the de-motivation seemed to work.
The Spartans completely outplayed their opponents, scoring two early and never looking back.

Netminder Baron, coming off the effects of the flu, was spectacular in net, only allowing one goal in the first, and two in the last minutes of play on 3 on 1 rushes.

"My favourite Baron save was the worm," laughed Tyler, who would be denied on the Golden Pear," he drops to the ground, waves his one arm and crawls with the play. Poor attacker didn't know what to do!"

Captain J seemed to light a collective spark under the good guys, provoking acts of selfless determination. Dave scored a sweet dinger, and Captain J led the way with one, and then one in the second half.

With the Spartans up 3-1, Red fans upped the ante and launched a vicious fight againt Spartan fans. Beer was spilt, chairs overturned and fighting words were spoken. In response, Oshawa Kicks turned off the lights and brought in security. When Spartan fans offered to fight Red fans outside, the latter exited the arena, leaving Spartan fans inside.
"Losers," commented Darryl Simms of the Spartan Fan Club for Men,"did they really think we'd fight them outside while it's raining. Really now."

When the lights came back on, the Spartan momentum seemed to have wavered. The Reds pressed constantly in the last ten minutes, seeing Baron stone them time and time again. Finally, with odds with them, the Reds secured two goals.

In the other end, Carmen got back to his roots, finding the twine on a difficult angle. Abe came close on a few chances, but luck would keep the ex-Porto star off the score sheet.

But at the end, our local heroes completed the day and affirmed to their fans that this will be a season to remember.
"It's all about team work and determination," related Captain J," and today all of us showed it. While I can't promise we'll have it every week, the weeks we do are ones for the win column."

QUICK STATS
********************************
Captain J (2)
Dave (1)
Carmen (1) *** Game Winner ***

Baron 1-0-0  AVG : 3.00

IR:
Anders
Mark
Kyle

IN OTHER NEWS
********************************
Does Trevor have indoor soccer's most powerful kick?
"We're looking into it," said Susan Sharpe of the Kicks,"he's definitely got something there!"

Is Sam worried about his age?
The star Spartan forward is going nude for charity.
"I look good for man in my 70's," laughed Sam," but no one's going to laugh when they see this David Suzuki-esque physique. I'm just sorry they had to air brush a larger leaf in."

Is Dave taking the Golden Pear too seriously?
In half time banter, the highly sought after winger derided Captain J for having a woman's touch on the ball, and a ready made batch of excuses for not scoring.
"I don't really care what he has to say about the scoring," related Dave," he knows I'm better here, and at the FAW. That's why he never seems to make it there."

SPARTANS TO BE FINED

FIFA SAYS "THAT WASN"T FOOTBALL"

Captain J, Dave and Baron in a post game quick exit

The local heroes are in hot water this week, after the ludicrous display exhibited Sunday night.

Commentators Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest had this to say about the seriously flawed outting.
"The Spartans showed no promise, no directive and no heart...overall. There was a terrible mixture of the great and for the most part the worst that soccer can offer. Pundits will point this game out as rock bottom in years to come."

Captain J hurriedly left the arena, pelted by angry fans and non fans alike. Other Spartans left by their own means, usually dressed out of uniform.

But FIFA president Sepp Blatter would not leave this game unnoticed.
"It has come to my attention that the Spartans have passed something on that is not football. Let us be precise. The beautiful game has been tainted into something ugly by them. We are reviewing their position, and have not ruled out fines or expulsion from the league."

FAW Commissioner Campbell issued the following Monday morning:
"Under no circumstances are the players from that game allowed to play on FAW ground until they smarten up and learn how this game is played. It's F!ckin' lame...just so lame...like a two legged dog."

Baron was moved to tears after a call from German legend David Hasselhof.
"He told me to remove his picture from my house, and cancelled our trip to Starr Burger."

Other Spartans have not been seen since the disaster on the 20th, and many have cancelled appearances and charity events to avoid the press.

IN OTHER NEWS
************************************
Did Anders really get lucky last Sunday?
Reports from Spartan trainer Gus Benson indicate the contrary.
"Anders suffered a terrible tear to his ACL. I'm afraid there's not going to be any fun time for him until it heals."

Is SuperStar Dave's new hair colour an indication that he's intent upon winning the pear?
"It's not even the colour of a pear...but yeah, I'm going to suckle on the sweet essence of pear when the season is over."

QUICK STATS
**********************************
Trevor 1-0-2 AVG: 5.00

No Cards

SPARTANS LOSE FIRST OF SEASON

WIN SECOND HALF AFTER OUTPLAYED IN FIRST

A familiar story with a different ending

After the great celebrations in Oshawa last week, fans were a bit disappointed with the outcome of last night's game.
"I came here to drink, fondle unsuspecting women and have a great time," said a fan sign. Unfortunately it was not to be.

Although off to a good start, the Spartans were soon faltering and were down by four at the half.

"Guys, we're out, but not done. Time to even the score and get this back," Captain J was heard saying to the Spartans at half time. His words seemed to work.

In the second half the Spartans shocked their opponents. They dominated the plays and took the ball into the visitor net, scoring three against two returns.

"Overall, I think there's a lesson to this," said Captain J," and that's we can't give up and let them have their way. We lost the first half, but won the second. And that's stuff we'll take to the next game."

QUICK STATS
*****************
Anders (1)
Dave (1)
Tyler (1)

Mark 0-0-1 AVG: 2.00
Trevor 1-0-1 AVG: 4.00

Yellow Cards:
none

Red Cards:
none

IN OTHER NEWS
******************
Superstars Tyler and Dave weren't joking around when they said they were the best players on the team.
"In outdoor I can only hit posts," Tyler commented," but here the nets are smaller and easier to get the ball into."
"I agree," replied Dave, who also had immeasurable issues pocketing twine in outdoor.

What does Anders think about his first goal of the season?
"It's all a daze. I mean, you never think about scoring at this level of football, and there it happens. I'm sure to get laid tonight."

SPARTANS WIN FIRST GAME OF SEASON!!!

MONKEY FINALLY OFF THE SPARTAN BACK


Women are Overjoyed at the Win!!

 Fans of all ages and sexes spilled out into the streets of Oshawa Sunday night and celebrated the win of their local heroes.
"Captain J, all the way!" shouted a group of men who exited the Waltzing Weasel.

"The crowd was boisterous, extremely loud, but well behaved for the most part," revealed Durham Regional Superintendant Hal Snow.

The Spartans started out well, with Dave blasting an early netter for a 1-0 lead. Their opponents came back, and actually led in the final minutes until and exchange of goals made it even at half time.

Sam, brought down in the opponent zone, converted a penalty kick to make it 4-3. Again, the game found itself tied until the Spartans carried the final minutes on their own terms. Abe, receiving a nifty cross, wheeled about, eluded the defense and found the back of the net to score the eventual game winner.

In the end, the good guys were not to be defeated, and enjoyed their 6-4 victory.

"Overall, it's a great day to be a Spartan," said Captain Justin, who was pivotal in moving the plays about, and bringing The Baron out of the net."The Baron had good and bad within the exhibition schedule. But I had a hunch that he would play well up front, and I was right."

Celebrations are expected to peak at 0200h tonight, and wind down by sunrise tomorrow.

QUICK STATS:
*************
Dave (1)
Tyler (1)
Capt J (1)
Sam (1)
Abe  (1) *game winner*
Baron (1)

Trevor 1-0-0 AVG: 4.00

Yellow Cards:
none

Red Cards:
none

IN OTHER NEWS
***************
Oshawa Kicks revealed today that the two previous games were exhibition plays.
"With the new field and new league, it's important for the teams to slowly rev their engines. We feel that this was justified as well due to the reorg of the new teams."

Flop of the Year Chris has declined his position with the Spartans.
"I wasn't feeling it this year, and I didn't need another trophy indicating that I spent a wad of cash just to play four games," commented Chris

Is the Baron ready for a season with the Spartans?
After playing net for the exhibition games, the ex-Bundesliga player looked sluggish but determined, body checking some female players and having three quality shots.
"I play at the behest of Captain J," Baron was heard saying.
Asked about his yell to Thor the Thundergod after scoring, the German said,"it's self explanatory."