SPARTANS LOSE IN ADMIRABLE LOSS

NINE MAN TEAM KEEPS IT CLOSE!


It's another loss...this time with an undermanned team!

In their 8-4 loss Sunday, the Spartans had some good cheer despite the obvious drubbing.

Despite only having seven to start, rising to nine in the first 10 minutes, and then 11 by half, only to lose 2 due to injuries, our local heroes managed to score four times. A fifth chance was denied by shotty officiating, which affected both sides in this lobsided match.

"The horrific or lack of officiating," commented Gerry Dobson on his Spartans Blog," caused the Baron to beg on his hands and knees that the linesmen would actually care about the game."
Gerry went on to describe how the linesmen were never in position, and on one crucial offside, the linesman was busy adjusting his uniform  half a field away.
"It's just disgusting that these guys are getting paid for this!"

The greatest story about this game was the fact that the Spartans held their more numerous opponent to a 2-2 tie at half time. Quick thinking goals by Dismo and super Star Justin kept their opponents continuously guessing and off balance.

"After the Ref took Mark off the field for a jewellry infraction," said uber icon Justin,"and they scored with us down two men, I took offense. Literally. Got that beauty. Watch out Mike and Fil, the Golden Orange is mine!"

While conducting a valiant game, the well rested Gunners FC soon outlasted the Spartans. They scored six goals, forcing an injured Paul out of the game and old Number One Goalie Mark in.

"It was obvious after the second goal that Paul was favouring that separated shoulder," Craig Forrest showed on the Telestrator,"but he hung in to the last! Well done."

But local hero and saint, Justin, would not be denied. Again, after a horrible call denied him, he scooped the ball and sent it to the back of the net.
"Should have been a hattie," said the smiling striker, who's return to the game was much antipated."That Golden Orange has long been a target. Even during my translucent descent to tranquility and a bottle of Tequila, the aura of the Golden Orange kept me going. It's like being in the womb of a good looking woman."

A long and beautiful shot by Chris led him to the Golden Orange roster. The first for him of the season, Chris vowed to "Play atleast one more game."

"We always seem to play a very good game with the core that shows up game after game," revealed the Baron,"That's a good foundation...and that's what will win us the playoffs."

IN OTHER NEWS:
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Long time Spartan Pat has decided to hang up the boots for this season. No official comment was made, but rumours have it that he has accepted a posting with the Blue Man Group.

Teen Heart Throb Tyler is most likely out for the season. Having cracked some bone in his ankle, doctors have urged him to rest and drink plenty of calcium enriched juices.

Fil was named third star in end game festivities. The young forward took up the sweeper position and was rock solid in execution, despite an own goal.

Sam continues to gather interest in Europe. German team 1860 Muenchen has been watching his play, and they seem genuinely interested in offering the 24 year old a sit in contract.

BAD ATTITUDES SINK SPARTANS

LACK OF DISCIPLINE ENDS PLAYOFF HOPES

Chirping and Bad Blood Abounds!

"It's just shocking," said fans after the 4-1 total breakdown of our heroes Sunday night under the lights."I mean, we had the game won."

The Spartans were well on their way to their first win of the season and keeping a slim hope alive for the playoffs. Leading 1-0 at half time, players were energized and excited. Dismo, newly acquired from San Diego, scored a nice goal after a nice play initiated by The Baron. Oranges were consumed, and players were set to record history.

The Destroyers quickly equalized, and then the linesman fumbled a hand ball call on Dave. With the ball bouncing between the two after an unsuccessful header attempt, the Linesman erroneously awarded a "penalty shot" to the Destroyers.

"There's no way that was a hand ball," shouted an angry Baron. The Ref later agreed with the ex-Borussia Dortmund player, but at that moment, the Destroyers converted and discipline broke down.

"It's a classic tale of emotions getting in the way of a quality comeback," said Gerry Dobson of TSN."I mean, really. Are men supposed to act like this? To give up with 30 minutes left on the clock? If that's the case, maybe they shouldn't be playing at all."

Things furthered heated up when exchanges were made between Spartan players.

"If you're going to dish it out at some point," said Craig Forrest of TSN,"you're going to get it back...usually when you don't want to hear it. So either grow a pair, stay at home, or shut the F--k up next time!"

The loss cemented an otherwise dismal season for the Spartans, who yet again disappointed fans after such high hopes months earlier.

Some will question the leadership of Captain Ian and The Baron. Some will question other players who may not have skills or heart. In the end, each man on the team must take some measure of blame.

"Soccer is a team game," commented long time fan Juergen Klinsmann,"if a team fails, it's not due to one person, or positional group. It's because the team didn't learn to operate within the confines of its limitations."

Captain Ian was more thought provoking.
"It's not about losing. It's about losing when we should have won. It's about the breakdown in discipline. Everyone has a job to do. When we do it, we end up with a winning edge. When we break down, that's when the weaker teams beat us."

IN OTHER NEWS
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Juan Antonio Smith has announced that former Golden Orange chaser Fernando is done for the season.
"My client is depressed and on a steady mix of drugs to settle him down," said Juan,"and he wants to thank the fans for all their support this year."
Chants of "We love you Fernando" gave way to a cheesy rendition of ABBA's song of the same name.
"I love the fans, and my team mates," revealed a distraught Fernando,"and we'll see you all next year."

Midfielder Abe will be filing a complaint against the FAD concerning the actions of Destroyer players.
"You can't go around saying that you'll punch other players and not get a card," a frustrated Abe told reporters,"I mean, the Ref is right there and doesn't do anything! What kind of Ref is that?"

Former Golden Orange recipient Fil is back on the pitch after a month off.
"Some people go to reinvent themselves. I go to have a great time and return home to recuperate!" laughed Fil during the post game interview.

A HERO'S JOURNEY

SUPERSTAR JUSTIN 'REINVENTS' HIMSELF

The Man, The Motive, The Mission

Reporters were on hand in the early hours as the red eye landed, containing super star Justin, dressed in yellow and black robes and sporting a long beard.

"I've been to places most mortal men fear to tread," said the smiling and refreshed Spartan striker."The reports of my death were greatly exaggerated."

Justin revealed, that after missing 11 open nets in his last game, he needed to find his roots.

The map took us to the Caribbean, where Justin made his first stop. On a liquid only diet, Justin imbibed many exotic forms of alcohol, putting himself (as the super star called it) 'on the line between spirituality and passing out'.
"In this state, I was able to see clearly the previous mistakes I made. I was able to formulate how I should have done it. It was very sobering."

From there, a plane took him to the mountains of the Andes, where Justin ran the length of the mountain ranges in just a few days.
"It's all about governing my body...not my body governing me. My body made me miss those 13 shots. So now I tell my body to go F--k itself."

Finally, under exhaustian and dehydration, the Spartan super star achieved total zen on the top of the highest mountain. Braving snows, Yeti and the vultures, he had found his moment.
"It was humbling. After all...I'm the best there is out there. I could play for Borussia Dortmund, Real Madrid, Manchester United. But I'm here to lend my support to the Spartans. And that it where it all became clear. Maybe it was the mushrooms, maybe my body falling into hyperthermia. But I achieved total peace and clarity."

With the return of Spartan great Justin, tickets are selling off in quick batches for this Sunday's game.
"Justin is so sexy," said one fan who spent 2 hours in the wrong line up for Spartan tickets at TicketMaster.

Captain Ian was more contemplative.
"Well, he really can't get any worse. I'll be the first to congratulate him if he starts earning the money I pay him."

SPARTAN COMEBACK STYMIED

THOR BRINGS THE THUNDER, RAIN AND LIGHTNING TO END GAME

God of Thunder, God of Rain, Earth shaker who feels no Pain!

Thor, God of the Norse pantheon, was not amused with the Spartan effort Sunday.
"I've been awaiting for the Baron to score on my name," rumbled Red Beard."He honoured my father, Odin, with a goal. And now there has been nothing. I am not amused."

"We played a good game last night," commented Captain Ian,"and I think Thor was a bit upset on his portrayal in the Marvel films movie. Which is understandable. I mean, really, a blonde Norse god?"

Things started off horribly for the Spartans, who were down two men initially. They conceded two quick goals until reinforcements, albeit late, arrived on scene to help out.

Then Penalty Pete, the Referee who always gives out penalty shots against the Spartans, ruled the day. It was quickly converted into a goal.

"Penalty Pete and I had words," an angry Baron told reporters."He questioned my ability to have knowledge on the game. I agreed, but retorted that he has awarded a penalty shot against us every game but one. Now that's something for which he had no comeback."

Captain Ian, sensing the momentum switch to the Spartans, quickly donned shin pads, shirt, shorts and socks like some 1940's serial comic book hero.
"I just had to act. Although my knees are shot and I drank too much and I have Judo injuries, I figured that I could do something. Even a warm body to help the guys rest."

And the time came where the Spartans were on a level not seen in two years. Former goalkeeper and speedster Mark netted his first ever goal.
"In games past I would have my share of own goals. This time, I had a beauty."

Fans agreed. It was a sexy goal that was probably the best one of this year.
"I love the Golden Orange" laughed one fan,"and now Mark has a taste of it's sweet nectar!"

And then the clouds opened up with such anger, that the Refs retreated themselves and players alike to their cars.

"Can we be happy with the 3-1 loss?" asked Captain Ian," I think we can more relish in the fact that once we had 11 players on the field, we were owning the game. A full game would have seen us win, I'm certain of that. And that's a big step for the future."

IN OTHER NEWS
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SuperStar Justin hasn't been heard from in days. In a broken message, the Spartan superkid indicated that "I must find my roots" and "only a spiritual journey will mend my performance".

Is Paul the spokesperson for Ontario Beef? After a near goal on Sunday, Paul was caught eating Burger after Burger, complete with cheese, mustard, relish and a dab of tartar sauce.
"C'mon", responded the young mid fielder,"I drank too much the night before. Burgers beat the bends."
And so does your Z-24 Paul.

Has Carmen found his funk?
Former Spartan Golden Asperagus winner hasn't scored since last year.
"I haven't found my groove just yet. Hopefully I didn't leave it on the bus or something."

SPARTANS GET BETTER

LAPSE FOR FIRST PART OF SECOND LOSES GAME

Fans polled would rather stay home and play Xbox

"Except for a 20 minute lapse, we played some of the best football in the season," said the Baron, taking the Captain's band for a vacationing Captain Ian."Not sure what happened there. But each of us needs to review their own performance and see how we can improve for next game."

The 5 - 3 loss did not indicate the improved play of the men on field. For the first time since the 7 - 2 drubbing weeks ago, new goal scorers hit the sheet.

"I'm just happy to finally get my name under the Golden Orange," commented Anders, who equals his record from last year."I love to see how our site high lights the Golden Orange. I mean, every time I say Orange, or Golden Orange, the colour changes. See...Orange...does it again. Amazing!"

Sam, his first goal since the playoffs last year, was more philisophical.
"Anders must have had some puff the magic dragon. Me? I'm just ready to see how my amazing talents will be utilized in the future."

Emerging star Mike completed his takeover of the Golden Orange with his penalty kick conversion, after being sandwiched and crunched to the pitch.
"Baron kept making fun of my last penalty kick. So I thought I'd make sure this time. And guess what...it went in!"

The loss, though, creates some sour moments for the improving Spartan team. Their magic number has been reduced to 3. Should they lose 3 games out of six, or Village Inn Harps win three out of their six, the Spartans will once again vie for the coveted "Loser's Cup".

"We've done well this year," revealed Baron,"having broken our record last year for ties and goals. Now the team will rise to the challenge."

IN OTHER NEWS
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Superstar Justin has taken a leave of absence from the team after a fall out with Captain Ian during last game's fracas.
"I don't need anyone to tell me how I missed 11 open nets. I know. And that's why I need to go on my own journey of revelation. Get back to my roots. Do some drinking and drug use. Productive stuff, you know."

Where has the sexy gone?
Defender Kyle has some explaining to do. After winning last year's 'Sexiest Tackle', the defender hasn't thrown out something mouth watering all season.
"F--- off," Kyle told reporters."I'm tired and you'll see something when I'm ready."

Fans have been wondering where Andrew has been this season. After playing for the Spartans, the new aquisition has been strangely absent.
"In all honesty, I've been volunteering my services in battling the forest fires in Northern Ontario. It's refreshing to get into the Great White North, get rugged and go au naturale."

HARD WORKING SPARTANS LOSE

VICTORY LOST BY BAD SHOTS!

Baron takes another hit for the Team!

"I'm a top goal scorer from Europe," an irate Justin commented in a post game interview," and this is just not acceptable."

Despondant after a brilliant game, super star Justin had good reasons to question his ongoing drought with the Spartans. After 15 caps with Manchester, in which he netted six goals, the Spartan forward was unable to connect with the back of the net despite 7 open net chances. He did manage to score on the penalty shot awarded to him after being taken down in the 18.

"We're proud of Justin," said Captain Ian,"atleast he has one up on me."

The Spartans were not without their flubs. In their 4-2 loss, all but one goal was due to error. One particular error came from the linesman, who forgot that three offside men amounted to an automatic offside call.

Mike and Sam both copied Justin, and missed open nets in an effort to chase the Golden Orange. But Mike would have the last laugh. Off a nicely placed header by the Baron, Mike was able to move past the Motley Crue defenders and score a gorgeous goal.

"It may have been my best ever," rejoiced Mike, who quickly quelled rumours that he would never appear on field without Fil present."That's just junk...I'm sharing the Golden Orange right now, and plan to take it from my former hero and claim fame. After all, the women love a pocket full of oranges, don't they?"

Former great, the Baron, held back in the defensive role this game, nevertheless took some mighty hits for the team, blocking two on net shots and one flying striker.
"All in a day's work," laughed ex-Borussia Dortmund player Baron,"it'll take more than a little ball or player to put me away!"

Other players were quick to capitalize on the growing confidences of the Spartans.
Carmen saved a certain goal, and quickly moved it up the field.
Abe, on a tear after returning from an injury, had a few quality shots on net, including one that just went wide.

"Overall," said Captain Ian,"I think our team is ready to move to the next step. We're looking better out there, and who knows when our next win will come."

IN OTHER NEWS:
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Reports from Oshawa General Hospital indicate that Centre Back Rocco may be out for a few weeks due to reconstructive surgery on his knees. Said Rocco,"I got a donor, who promised more bounce in my step. We'll see how that translates on the field"

Ex-GoalKeeper Mark continues to astound those watching him. In recent play he has perfected the "ball through the legs and run" technique. "It's ultimately the most sexy move on the field," assesssed Mark. In a recent poll, 38% of women and 15% of gay males tend to agree

Ex-GoalKeeper and numerous award winner Oliver Kahn had this to say about Spartan Keeper Trevor: "He reminds me of myself many years ago. He has the anger but not the focus. He needs to buy my training video and uncover the hidden talents within his form."

STEVE RETURNS

HE PROMISES LOTS OF GOALS, MOSTLY ON THE OTHER NET!

Steve makes it to a popular card game!

"I'm just happy to be able to walk," commented Steve as he exercised on the treadmill for five minutes."I'm on a steady regimen of potato chips and pop. I'm ready. I mean, when else in my life have I been so fit in my life? Yeah, maybe in my twenties, but my member was smaller back then."

Spartan fans and supporters have been hoping for this moment ever since the prized defender was injured clipping his toes nails.

"And of course," recalled Captain Ian,"there was that internet scandal where Steve was sending pictures of his member to whoever wanted to watch. I thought the pictures were of a mushroom, but I guess Steve has some Asian in him."

"For the last time!" an annoyed Steve yelled at reporters," the picture was my big toe. And it was cold that day, not that I send pictures of myself like that Wiener guy in the States."

Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest were intrigued by the developments in the Spartan back end.
"Forget all the Toronto FC hype," commented Gerry,"Steve will complete the back line, and allow the likes of superstar Justin and ex-Bundesliga player Baron to set up and score."
"That's right Gerry," Craig agreed on TSN at 6,"The Spartans should be pumped for their first game of the second half of the season."

TicketMaster reports that sales are high on the expected return, stating that almost 11 tickets have sold.