LUDICROUS DISPLAY DISMANTLES SPARTANS

LITTLE SHINE IN DISMAL 7 - 2 DRUBBING.

Goalkeeper Mark is not happy with the Turkey Shoot against him!

In yet another great display of soccer, the Spartans managed to go down three early goals and never recovered.

Don Cherry, on hand as a request from the Baron, was pleased with the game.
"You see here kids," said a gesticulating Cherry,"this is a great teaching aid for you. Never play like the Spartans. It's a text book case of how not to conduct a football match. Football, soccer, kickity kick ball. Whatever you pinko commies call it. If ain't a stick and puck you're not even up to snuff with women hockey players."

As Grapes was hustled off the field by the political correctness committee, Captain Ian offered a few words of support.
"We did some good things out there. Mostly bad things. But some good things...though I can't recall them this instant."

The spotlight was definitely on ex Bundesliga star the Baron. Working with superstar Justin, the wrestler turned footballer found the back of the net after a nifty flick from Justin.
"I saw Baron there, and thought, what the hell, he might just score," laughed Justin."Never thought he would, but I've seen worse in Soccer."

Fernando, who once promised to snatch the Golden Orange from Fil's open mouth, joined in the race.
"Baron's goal was as ugly as that sh!tty pass he made. Takes a great player to convert that play and make it something beautiful. Baron's goal was more like the Fat chick you take home at the end of the night at the bar." chastised the former Portuguese National Team player.

Not to be outdone, great efforts were made by Dave and Justin.
"I'm not sure how the goalie caught that," reflected Dave,"but next time he won't."

Superstar Justin was even more reflective.
"Look, if I really wanted it to go in, I wouldn't have tapped it like a six year old girl. I choose the time and place for my goals. Not the players, not the team, and definitely not the fans who look like they need some time at the gym. Like look at my chiseled body and sexy looks."

While the offensive was working on three out of four cylinders, the defense was chugging along on two, mainly thanks to the hearts of Pat and Carmen.
"I really need to win that Mediocre Player of the Year award," recited Pat."It's just going to be difficult with some of the competition this year."

Carmen paused during this interview and stared into some place within the air as he recounted his conversation with the Baron an hour before.
"I was all pumped, and the Baron tells me that if I don't play with heart he's going to sacrifice me to Odin...or was it Thor. Either way I thought it better to give it my all, just in case you know."

As usual, Captain Ian was very optimistic.
"We played 20 minutes of quality football...where the formation held and we worked as a team. That beats last game's record of 15 minutes."

IN OTHER NEWS

Durham College may sue the Spartans for damages incurred to their superstar midfielder Paul.
"Captain Ian's total disregard for our agreement will result in our players being recalled." said George Mendez of Durham University. When asked about whether flowers were sent to Paul's home, George simply said," Franz Beckenbauer played with a dislocated shoulder in the '68 world cup. Looks like Paul's not ready to take that step. And that's Ian's fault once again."

Defender Kyle may be suspended after a ruckus at Bitmores.
"All I know is that I had a lot to drink and the rear end I pinched wasn't Rocco's, and suddenly these women were kicking the crap out of me. What? Well, Rocco looks good in jeans. No...I was up north this Sunday..why?

Jurgen Klinsmann, who recently secured famed midfielder for Toronto FC was recently asked if he could improve the Spartans.
"I've done a lot of miracles for the Germans and Toronto. But the Spartans...well...that miracle is out of their price range."