Spartans Vow not to Miss Again!

Anders misses a close one!

"We'll never miss an open net again!" said an optimistic Captain Ian, after the Spartans continued their immeasurable luck against their opponents.
Starting with nine men, the Spartans were quickly overwhelmed by their opponents. After posting 2-0, the Destroyers found a wall. From there, Golden Orange hopeful Fil found the net with a nice pass after a fumble from the Baron.
"James just picks up the ball from the guy and hands it to me for the back of the net!" said a jubilant Fil, who now ties der Wunderkind James and Nosse Amante Fernando.
Being 2-1 at Half, the Spartans were poised to post their first tie of the year.
From there it was all Spartans.
Anders, former bench warmer for Bayern Munich showed why he's now playing the fields of Darlington. The once sure footed mid-fielder chimed the post, and minutes later missed a wide open net.
Captain Ian made two blasts from the 18, just missing the uprights.
"If this were American football, I'd have six points," said the Spartan Captain.
Ex-goal post ringer Tyler continued his ways, just missing on three shots.
Even recent fan favourite The Baron got into the game. A penalty kick from Fil was well placed, but the German midfielder missed the header by a mere inch.
"Pat said he'd streak on the field if I scored. I couldn't be responsible for that..." said a disappointed Baron.
While most of the second half was played in the Destroyer half, they managed two goals against an unkept Spartan Defense.
"I'm not sure why our defense looked so bad," commented an exhausted Kyle," but I suppose there's room for improvement."
Spartan Fans actually stayed for the entire game, and were overjoyed when their heroes continued to press hard after the ejection of ex-Galaxy mediocre player Dave.
With two games remaining, Captain Ian was looking forward to the future.
"We have two regular games, and two playoff games. I figure we'll win atleast one of them, and take the relegation round."

Pele says James is the Best

James' Ball Girl

"James may be the best player in Darlington," said soccer star Pele, who recently visited the Spartan Club House." His ascension to fame is here. Two goals. Two games."
"It's great to have Pele visit us and suggest some improvements to the team," a joyful Captain Ian told reporters," and his first suggestion was to win a game."
"Some good words from a washed up superstar," retorted Fernando," what does he know? Fernando and his Xmas soccer ball will make an impact. You'll see."
Golden Orange competitor Fil was more philisophical.
"I appreciate what Pele has done for the sport, but he's an idiot.I'm the future. Talk all you want about Fernando, James or Dave. I only have one concern," mused Fil," and that's the foot of the Baron"
Opponents and team mates alike were overjoyed to see the former Bundesliga star almost score.
"Maybe the Baron has finally found his groove," said Jurgen Klinsmann." He's looked sloppy in the first half of the season, but the FAW player of the year has shown resilience and a true German spirit."
Where is James in all this?
The young superstar could be found on the soccer field, practicing for a critical game against depleted FC Destroyers.
"I'm the greatest! You wanna see goals? Don't stare infront of your XBox and watch FIFA 2011. Watch me this coming game as I score a hat trick and F*ck the competition." boasted James.
Asked about Pele, James could only say," the guy hasn't scored a goal in two decades. How can I take him seriously?"

Unkept Field Stops the Spartans

Cutters come in AFTER the game!

"All things considered, this is probably a disaster," a disgruntled Captain Ian said after the 6-1 loss on an overgrown field." I was getting visions of my time in the 'Nam. Either way, it was a massacre of epic proportions."
Missing many of their star players, including Dave, Fil and Kevin, the Spartans struggled early with the set plays of Durham United.
"It was like watching the England verseus Germany game at the WC 2010," said the Spartan Fan who left early during the drubbing.
After being down 2-0, sports sensation James took a nifty 1-2-3 pass from Rocco, Tyler and into the net.
"These old timers don't know how to score," said the arrogant youngster, who's story will appear later on this site.
Meanwhile, old veterans Anders, Sam and Tyler experienced severe difficulties penetrating the enemy 18.
"Well, atleast I'm not hitting the cross bars," said Tyler, who missed one great chance from a long ball sent by a frustrated Fernando.
"I'm playing like f#ckin sh!t. I can't believe my @ss luck!" said the Spartan goal scorer infront of his wife and children.
According to Gerry Dobson and Craig Forrest, the Spartans seemed to have bogged down in the 6 inch tall grass.
"Your wife calls that six inches?" asked a disbelieving Craig Forrest. Gerry quickly changed subjects upon a great feed to the Baron.
"The collective crowd held their breathe," said an astonished Gerry," as the ball gravitated towards the ex-Dortmund superstar. Crickets stopped their mating songs. It was if the world itself waited."
Unfortunately, the well placed shot caught the high grass and rested easily for the out of position goalie.
"I really thought it was in," a panting Captain Ian sighed," but that's the way it goes in this league. Either it's in or it isn't. This wasn't one of those times."

Indoor Soccer!

Join us for Indoor Soccer!

Greetings All...
Here's some options for continuing the soccer skills under cold snowy skies ahead!

From Captain Ian:
I am putting a team into darlington for indoor. I will be carrying 16 to 18 players. cost will depend on how many sign. About $200 per with a cost for uniforms if we don't get a sponser. So if anyone has ideas for sponsers let me know. The more we get from sponsers the lower the cost per player. We pay as a team not individuals. We have to have a deposit paid by sept 7th, and the total by the 16th. So anyone who is interested please email me right away. I will need a $20 deposit from each player to hold your spot. I apologize to anyone who doesn't get on the team but indoor is played with 6 on the field so I can't take too many.


From the Baron
For those of you that have interest, I play in a "pick up" League during the winter called the FAW. It's very competitive, without the worries of getting injured, fighting or hostiles. We play with hockey nets, and inside a gym. It's intense, fun and cheap. Last year we paid $50 for the season (September to April). It's 4 on 4, with subs. No slide tackles, no refs (we don't need them as it's purely honour system). There are no set teams. Whoever shows up gets put into a pool and the skills are divided equally. Three half hour games with breaks inbetween. Pat and I have played in this league before, and it's a blast...really fun. Email me should you need more info on this.

Rookie Joins Golden Orange!

A little wave to our favourite scorer!

It took just 65 minutes for Rookie James to join the elite and select group within Sparta FC.
"I felt like David Beckham," said an emotionally charged James," without the anorexic wife. Well, without any wife actually. I spend most of my nights playing StarCraft and getting drunk with my online friends."
James' goal ended months of bickering and often hostile actions between rivals Fernando and Fil.
"I gots the best women now...BITCHES!" James was heard saying as he rode his ten speed home in eager anticipation of the hordes of women that would now flock to him.
Shut out for the first time in three games, a despairing Fernando was upbeat.
"Look. Good for the kid. He got the woman this time. But kid. Listen to me. Goals are like women. The more you get, the happier you are. And I have scored more often than you!"
"I think it's exciting," laughed Fil," the more the merrier, but in the end, only I can prevail. Only the Fil can win the Golden Orange!"
Again, the air was racked by good attempts from Dave, Tyler, Jordan and Carmen.
" I really thought it went in," said Dave," but I guess it didn't. And that's how it'll be until I score."
Critics were harsh on Captain Ian's missed opportunity, which could have been voted the "Most Sexy Goal" of 2010.
" I saw the ball on my feet," commented the non-scoring Spartan Captain," and thought about what woman would look good on the website for me. Two minutes later I realized that the ball had rolled into the Goaltender's hands. Frustrating to be sure, but next time I'll know better. Then again, probably not, but I like to be optimistic."
Midfielder Anders also had a great opportunity, but failed to convert the perfect pass from Carmen.
"All I could think about was how many times Golden Orange was bolded in typeface and coloured orange. The website bugged me out a bit. Golden and Orange. Why is it called the Golden Orange. Why is orange orange? If the fruit Orange were blue, would we call it Blue? Would it then be the Golden Blue? I just don't get it. And the bold typeface..."
Anders' speech was cut short when Pat told him to "shut the F*ck up."
"No disrespect to my team mate, but this is soccer, not Philosophy 101. And did he really say that Baron, or are you making this crap up as you're going along?"
With three members now actively vying for the Golden Orange, will others pick up the pace? Is there a dark horse within the ranks that is on the verge of a break out? And where the hell is Kevin?
Catch Sparta FC on your local cable provider to find out!

Rookie Sensation Joins Spartans!

Rookie scores late goal against all odds!

It was much the same for our local heroes last night on the pitch.
"I'm not offering any excuses," said a disgruntled but optimistic Captain Ian," but our team let us down out there."
Although the Spartans looked impressive, making many close shots on goal, nothing registered until a late first half goal by the visiting Village Inn Hearts.
"I can't believe my record was broken today," a dishevelled Tyler commented, after failing to hit the goal posts this game. He was consoled by his mother off camera, after emotionally breaking down during his post game interview.
Although the out of towners would pocket two more goals in the second half, the Spartans looked close to tying if not pulling ahead. The talented likes of Dave and Fernando, as well as upstarts Carmen and Sam seemed to be well up on their techniques, although short of hitting net.
Fans of Fil, favoured in a recent pole for the Golden Orange, were ecstatic when their hero continued to shoot balls fifty feet over the net.
"If he actually gets on target, no goalie can stop a footy drive from Fil's Feet!"
But it was not the regular heroes that would shine on this day. Two new members joined Sparta FC after some intense negotiation.
"We were sitting outside the LCBO, and this guy [Captain Ian] comes up. We asked him to buy us some Colt 45 as we forgot our ID. He replied that he'd supply us alcohol as long as we played the rest of the season. Seems like a good trade." said Jordan, one of two new additions.
"I've known James and the other guy for a long time," Captain Ian told the FAD Commissionaire," and would like them on the team.
And it was James who would score the Spartans' only goal.
Unlike other games, there was no final flurry, and no real urgency at the end.
"Sometimes you win games, and sometimes you lose them," retorted a philisophical Captain Ian, " and this was not one of them."

Golden Orange Race Heats Up!

Fernando's Fans help him to focus on the net!

The coveted Golden Orange is heating up for Sparta FC.
Although the popular club lost their last game, the torrent of goals produced created two new leaders of the team; Fil and Fernando.
"We call them the two F's," said Captain Ian," Fantastik and Fantastique"
"I don't really believe in goals," said a humble Fernando," but if someone has to score them, it should be me."
"Fernando might have more goals," retorted a challenging Fil," but mine are sexier, and let's face it, I get more action from the ladies!"
Things are getting heated between the two goal producing rivals, creating some interesting results.
"Fernando promised me a night out with his best fan if I fed him great plays," said an excited Anders," and I really hope it's a female."
"Fil promised me a threesome with his women fans," said Pat, " plus a chicken. Or was it a bucket of chicken. I kinda lost concentration after he mentioned the chicken."
But this type of cajoling for goals is not influencing the pretenders of the goal scoring group. Dave, Tyler, Kevin and even Captain Ian are not promising to end their bids to take a bite from the sacred Golden Orange.
Tyler, the young mid-fielder from Chelsea, has hit the post 6 times in as many games.
"I heard that if you get to ten, you get an honoury goal," he replied to our questioning.
Dave, on loan from Los Angeles, was philisophical concerning his bid for the prestigious title.
"I can't promise women. But I can promise fun as only a man can provide," he said with a wink, which made this reporter somewhat nervous. Seeing this the star Forward yelled out " Beer and BBQ! And maybe a little XBox...that's a gaming console, so don't think otherwise."
Kevin was unavailable for comment, instead relying on goals by proxy as he departed for a long August vacation. He did send an email that the site looked prettier with the Golden Orange coloured orange (and having a Bold typeface)
"I can't predict who will win the Golden Orange," commented Captain Ian, " but those that score will always be labelled as goal scorers, and a goal scorer will win Sparta FC's highest award for actually scoring."

Fans of Fil...which is better?

Heart-Break at Hydro!

Spartan Fans Can't believe their team's luck!

CTV - Post Game Analysis
Gerry: I'm Gerry Dobson, with my co-host Craig Forrest.
Craig: Good to be back Gerry, especially after that game last night!
Gerry: That's right Craig. What a heartbreak loss by the Spartans.
Craig: Before the game even starts, Captain Ian is hauled away on a stretcher.
Gerry: Not a good sign. Seems he collapsed after seeing so many subs.
Craig: He wasn't seeing double! Just a team ready to play.
Gerry: And play they did. Early chances for the Spartans.
Craig: Tyler hits the goalpost, and it awkwardly spirals over the right post.
Gerry: And their first real break. Fil just touches a penalty kick, which is saved and driven out.
Craig: And then Fernando takes another step to winning the Golden Orange.
Gerry: A beautiful goal. The Fernando Girls will be up all night on that one.
Craig: So beautiful I wanted to take him home and have sex with him.
Gerry: The Spartans lead 1-0 at half time. They're not used to this.
Craig: Some stern words from Captain Ian, until he realizes the team is leading.
Gerry: Second half, all Spartans
Craig: Fil and Dave shoot just wide. Everyone's after the Orange!
Gerry: But then some sloppiness.
Craig: 2 goals in 10 minutes. Spartans down by 1
Gerry: Some lapses in the midfield Craig?
Craig: If you look at the replays, 4 defenders against 7 attackers. Very poor.
Gerry: And the goal that decides the game.
Craig: A weak kick. It hits the Goalie, hits the defender and just enters the net.
Gerry: A late goal by Fil.
Craig: He's seeking redemption on that missed penalty. Cool. Slick. Clean.
Gerry: Talk about wanting to have homosexual sex!
Craig: (laughs) That's right. That goal made me horny.
Gerry: And this incites the Baron's war cry.
Craig: Scary to watch, but it energizes the Spartans.
Gerry: And they almost score...twice...in the last minutes of the game.
Craig: Overall, the Spartans outplayed their opponents. They must feel very disappointed.
Gerry: Could have been 5-3 had the plays converted.
Craig: The result didn't match the play on the field.
Gerry: Will we see the first win for the Spartans next game?
Craig: These Spartans played with determination and effect. I could see it.
Gerry: Exciting to watch, even in a heartbreak loss. Until next game!

TSN's Focus Point

Captain Ian on TSN!

Yesterday, Captain Ian of Sparta FC met with TSN to discuss his thoughts at season's half.

TSN: Your Spartans are in last place. .
IAN: We're in last place by a point, and a win brings us almost mid standings.
TSN: What do you think the greatest failing of the team would be?
IAN: We don't get enough players. 40% of all games started short. We need players to show up
TSN: You recently cleaned house with a number of no shows.
IAN: By doing so, we are able to sign people who want to play.
TSN: What do you think the greatest improvement of the team to be?
IAN: Our passing and possession is really improved.
TSN: What are you focusing on for the next half?
IAN: One word...SCORING
TSN: on Twitter, SpartaFan14 asks, "What do the owners think?"
IAN: the owners let go many of the stars of last year. Now they're paying for it.
TSN: as a Captain, are you being presssured to take the fall?
IAN: there's always pressure as a Captain in this world renowned divsion.
TSN: some would say that the team is simply failing due to the curse.
IAN: this curse stuff is nonsense. Baron sacrificed a wild boar to Thor two months ago.
TSN: Tell us your thoughts about the Golden Orange
IAN: it's a coveted award.
TSN: and yet no one seems intent on winning it.
IAN: someone always wins it.
TSN: GIZM0 writes : "will we see the Spartan Cheerleaders again?"
IAN: My grandmother and her friends are retired.
TSN: FernandoFan873 asks : "Charity calendar?"
IAN: (laughs) Last year's calendar was a hit. Unfortunately not so for the advent calendar.
TSN: that was the one where the windows were positioned by the players' crotches?
IAN: except for mine...I was the double window.
TSN: and Pat's, if memory serves correct, who was turned around for the shot.
IAN: same place, other side...of course most of that was photoshopped, except for mine.
TSN: Predictions?
IAN: More goals, a few wins, lots of fun for the fans
TSN: And there you have it...Sparta FC...thanks Ian.

Darlington All Star Game a Success!

Village Hearts Inn Forward takes hard tackle from Chiefs' Defender

Awesome. Spectacular. Magnificient!
These are just some of the words overheard at the annual Civic Weekend Darlington All Star Game yesterday.
Sending out the best of the Darlington League, the East Conference defeated the West Conference by a score of 4-3.
"We can be especially proud of our fans, who were the real winners of this game," said Darlington President Joachim Gill.
With tickets selling for $10 each, enough money was generated to hire Linesmen and a certified Referee.
"People may complain about the officiating during the regular games, but here at DMRL we pride ourselves on putting money where it counts!" said Gill, under mounting criticism concerning bad referees within the men's league.
At half time, fans were greeted with an immeasurable act from "Edward and the Guitar Fingers" cover band.
"We love to play for the fans," said Guy Aceriz, lead singer of the band,"and given this venue was an honour."
A two minute fireworks exhibit was held as well, featuring the Oshawa Divas of Yesteryear. Although no one was critically hurt in the display, some of the Divas went topless, causing some vomitting and fainting from the mostly male crowd.
At half time, the East was up by 2 goals, thanks to some quick utilization of skills, and some sloppy playing by the West enders. Luckily for both sides, there were plenty of substitutes.
With the All Star Game now over, all players can look forward to this weeks games and chasing the coveted Darlington Crown.