THE BARON'S CUP

VAUNTED TROPHY UP FOR GRABS

Can Warner Bremen Repeat?

"The simple answer is...YES!" gloated Captain Warner of Warner Bremen."I have assembled the greatest team in existance. Even Borussia Dortmund would fear us!"

The Baron's Cup has a long and prestigious history in this second year of its running. Football and Soccer players from all over the globe will come to Oshawa for a chance to win it.

According to WikiPedia, the Baron's Cup is
"...an aged bottle of Becks that has something growing inside of it. Overaged and out of practice players spend the day attempting to regain their lost youth. Fights often occur over whether they are called Footballers and Soccerers. The winner drinks from the bottle, which illicits a drug induced catatonia."

This year the action will take place at the FIFA standard Civic Fields. With its plush surroundings, friendly staff and soft padding, this is one turf that you'll fall in love with!

I'M THE BEST

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT! CAPTAIN J RULZ

Captain J accepts the Spartan Mascot and Team Goat

"I'm the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be!" shouted a jubilant Captain J as he accepted the Golden Pear award.

Pundits agree that Captain J was the most decisive force on the Spartan pitch.

"Dave, Carmen, Anders...they can all have a goal parade," laughed J," but in the end they're still three bit losers who couldn't even beat me when I took a few games off for vacation. Seriously. I scored when I wasn't even on the pitch."

Dave, voted by fans as the player with the most heart, downplayed J's tirades.
"Sure he can score a few goals...but he also scored on his own net, and got it in the pills from Baron. Me...I wore the flashy boots and got the ladies."

"Up yours, old man," was J's retort at the Spartan Spring Awards.

A fight quickly broke up between the two former friends, with Dave leaving the awards in anger.

"The main thing," said runner up Carmen,"is that we had fun and actually won and tied a few games."

Captain J, not to be outdone, offered Carmen a "sour grape" and the two came to blows. Security quickly escorted the team members from the building.

Captain J was later seen in a posh Toronto Night Club with medals around his neck and eager women kissing his trophy.

Baron, who won "Goal Keeper of the Year" was humbled by the experience.
"Trevor and Peter were great in net. They're important members of the team, and I hope that they continue to hold the line when I'm unable."

Baron's shut out of second place RUST was voted the best game by the aging Borussia Dortmund star. It ranked second in the KICK's "Game of the Year" polling.

Police were on hand to see if Mike or Simon were on hand.
"We haven't seen them in months," said SuperIntendant Mike Mitchells,"and their mothers are worried sick. If they are reading this, they should phone home"

A complete listing of the award winners will be available next week, as soon as legal proceedings have been processed.

"Hey...Sam here...how come I wasn't mentioned in this article. This is complete bull SH-T. I mean I almost scored a F--king hattie. Who the hell writes this crap?"

Sam...we don't care. Indoor is old news.