SPARTANS FEATURE BAD COMEDY

TEAM GOES BACKWARDS IN SUNDAY LOSS

FANS ARE UPSET! TICKET SALES PLUMMET!

"I thought for a moment that I had the wrong season," commented long time Sparta FC fan The Doctor," I had to check the TARDIS just to be sure."

Many fans decided that the second period was not worth their while, and left to finish chores and wax their bodies. By the second half, fans were cheering the Gunnars, who found the net three times in that first 30 minutes.

"We had some problems," said Captain Ian,"I came late and didn't have time to spike the Baron's oranges with Steroids."

GoalKeeper Mark was constantly tested, and it could have been a lot worse, had he not showed up.
"It's all about the dedication and loyalty to the team," confirmed Mark,"and the fact that I'm married now so this is the only time the ball and chain let's me out of the house. Wait, that's off the record right?"

Abe, deciding that he needed to shine in the game, awarded the Gunners their first penalty shot.
"Well, I wanted some sort of spot light. Negative, positive, whatever, as long as I get a mention!"

Unfortunately, flop of the night would not go to Abe. Mike, awarded a penalty shot after Justin was brought down in the 18, decided that he didn't need the goal.
"I could have scored any time I wanted. Doing that 6 year old kick was just to show everyone how I could play."

The game itself was almost won on forfeit, when Gunner FC fans were ejected from the field after chasing off kids from the park. The Referee, a long time fan of the Hydro Park monkey bars, kicked the offender off the pitch, and promised swift justice.

On field, the Spartans were a comedy of errors. Even with the Gunners down a man due to their man getting two yellow, the only real chance came from Justin.
"It was funny," offered one fan,"but not like Arrested Development or IT Crowd . More like that movie Screwed funny."

"Next week," reflected Captain Ian,"will be another game. And we'll treat it as such."

IN OTHER NEWS
Defender Steve continues to be in hot water over allegations that he spread pictures of his member across the internet.
"For God's sake," he whined to reporters," it was my big toe. How does someone get bruises like that on their member?"
We're not sure Steve, but only you can answer that one.

Baron and some team mates were in a post game scrum after the game.
"The guys came up to me and said that the Civic Holiday was a stat holiday. I told them that it wasn't and to check the MoL's site for proof. That's when the violence started. And I'm right. Justin might be a better player, but he knows sh!t for designated statutory holildays."

Fernando and Rocco were conspicuously absent from the pitch on the 3-0 loss.
"Fernando and Rocco agreed to pose nude together for their charity work," revealed Sarah Balow of Kids Suffering from non-life threatening diseases,"and I'm sure that the kids will enjoy the calendar. Especially the one with Rocco in the Teddy bear ears."

Forward Tyler and Defender Trevor were denied entrance back into Canada, after their trip from Vegas.
"We can't tell you what happened...because what happens at the border, stays at the border," retorted Trevor. When reporters told him that this was the Vegas motto, Trevor became irate and had to be restrained by Tyler.