DISMAL FAILURE OF THE TEAM

GAME DAY PRACTICE YIELDS SAD TURNOUT

Prince Adam laughs at the Lameness of some Players!

Oshawa This Week and Fans were disappointed at the lackluster show up for the practice that took place instead of the game.

"These guys get paid so much," complained one fan,"and they can't be bothered to show up and sign a few autographs for the fans."

The Junior Spartans, who won their playoffs last year and were an inspiration for their older namesakes this year, returned to the bus heart broken.

While many women were oogling the certain ascendancy of super star Justin, most fans and reporters left early to get a front row seat to the premiere of He-Man: Out of the Eternia Closet.

Captain Ian, never one to mince words, was apprehensive about the start of the season.
"While I realize that watching He-Man is a big deal and important to our players, I also need a team or I might as well spend my Sunday nights watching re-runs of Thundarr the Barbarian."

IN OTHER NEWS

Midfielder Dave, fresh off his team's loss to Warner Bremen in the Baron's Cup, was seen saving lives.
"It's true," said the multi-talented midfielder,"I'm just like a modern day Laura Secord. Wait...or is that Florence Nightengale. Well, whatever. Secord ice cream rules."

Midfielder Tyler is sporting a new beard this year.
"It's taken me three months to smooth out the patches. We'll see how this affects my ability to hit goal posts this year."

Defender Rocco, known as the Portuguese Man-O-Wall has lost weight this year, thanks in no part to Jenny Craig.
"Although," add Rocco,"That red haired chick is awesomely good looking. And just say no to Kirstie Alley."

NEW SEASON BEGINS

LOCAL FANS EXCITED ABOUT THIS YEAR

Kaiser Wilhelm supports Sparta FC!

All eyes will be on the new Spartan team as they journey to their first game this year.

"I'm pumped," said Fans of Fil president Edan Monte,"I mean, he'll have to score a goal sooner than last year...doesn't he?"

Superstar Justin was involved in his first controversy, as his body guards choked a young fan out.
"It's obvious that the kid was asking for trouble. Yelling at me and shoving this sharp pencil in my hand. I mean, really, what fan does that?"

Baron, featured in his fifth game with the Darlington league, was more thoughtful.
"I've been in five losing seasons. No, it's not my fault. Pat was also in each one of those too."

Captain Ian, in his usual pessimism, was unavailable for comment. But he did say to reporters,"I venture to say that this will be our best season ever."